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LEAH GLOVER HAYES BUSINESS UNVEILED

How to Define Seasons of Success

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How to Define Seasons of Success

As an entrepreneur you may find yourself pushing to reach that next goal for your business and always striving for more. Having goals is a great thing but many times we define our success by our goals. “I’ll be successful when…” or “I’ll know I’ve really made it when…”. Success comes in seasons, it is not something that one day you simply attain, success is the here and now and grows as you do.

MAIN TOPICS
  • What mentorship looks like & how to do an audit
  • How to believe others’ belief in you when your confidence wavers
  • How to define success for yourself in this season
KEY TAKEAWAYS

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Audit the voices you hear

Define success for yourself in THIS season

MORE ABOUT THIS GUEST

Leah Glover Hayes has a passion for helping women define and find success by pursuing their passion. She is a podcast host, public speaker and panel moderator, and engagement consultant. From working with established women-business owners looking to leave a lasting legacy, ambitious emerging professionals looking for the next step in their career and companies who seek to authentically connect with women in their communities – Leah loves serving those who are striving to make an impact in the world.
She has served on the board of The Tomorrow Fund, the Junior Board of YWCA Nashville & Middle Tennessee, the Non Board Board, and is a member of ForbesWomen Forum, the Female Founder Collective, and BrainTrust. In 2019, Leah was recognized as a finalist for the Nashville Emerging Leader Award.
Leah also lives out her passion for helping others succeed through her various volunteer and mentoring efforts with Corner to Corner Academy, JCHS Future Business Leaders of America, Vanderbilt University's Women in Business, is an Activator of SheEO, and mentors individual girls and women through Her Story of Success.

EPISODE TRANSCRIBED

Hi, you all, thanks so much for tuning in today for another episode of Business Unveiled. I am so excited for Leah Glover Hayes, who is CEO and podcast host of Her Story of Success. I can't wait for her to just share her journey with you all. We're going to be talking a lot about seasons of success, and how you can enjoy the one that you're in while you're working towards the next level because those of us who are in the creative space, or like in my previous crazy life of doing 250 weddings plus a year, I don't know what I was thinking. Continue Reading

Angela Proffitt:
You plan your life out 18 months in advance for a lot of these things. And then you blink your eyes and you're like, Oh my gosh, 20 years has gone by how can I pivot and stop working so much? But you come accustomed to a certain lifestyle, and a certain revenue. How do you scale? And how do you keep going? And it's really hard when you're trying to start something new while you're keeping the other thing going. And it's like you're doing two full time things, which Leah has been watching from afar for probably over a year now, me and someone who, which is where I met Leah at Collective615 an amazing co working space for women.

Angela Proffitt:
And it's like feeling like you have two full time things but as women we take these things on. And we're in different seasons. And so, I love talking about how to embrace it, how to be happy and how to work towards the next level. So, Leah, thank you so much for being here today.

Leah Glover Hayes:
Thanks for having me. I am super excited to join you and your Business Unveiled. I really know you more from your GSD which is Get Shit Done, which I am very excited to talk about. I think most of us are always in that mode of like, “I just want to get shit done.” So, thank you for having that. I love all that you do, and coaching businesses and helping women succeed. So, I'm honored to be with you today.

Angela Proffitt:
That's awesome. Yeah, I'm all about GSD. And it's funny people are like, “Why are you so crazy about that?” I'm like, “Honestly, I didn't really understand in my 20s and early 30s how precious Tom was.” And in the same year my dad and my sister got sick. And I'm like, “Oh, geez, I really have to be strategic with my time. And is that a passion? Or is this going to generate revenue?” And that's where I really had to hunker down and teach myself where to say yes to everything. You know what, I got to GSD, we got to get shit done. And we have to make sure that we're making good decisions so that we can free up our time to really spend our time because why don't we work so freaking hard? It's like you can't buy your time back. But people work, work, work, work, work. Before-

Leah Glover Hayes:
That's my passion. I mean, I'm more about the anti hustle. I like you because it's like, “Get shit done.” But I'm sorry, I'm not going to work 18 hours, I have an amazing husband, I have family and things that I want to do and spend time with and volunteer my time. So, I like to get shit done and then relax or hang out with my husband, his love language is quality time. So, it's like, he needs me to be present when I'm there. So, I think when I think of GSD it's being able to be present where you are and work hard, do your thing. And then don't take a break. Don't be on your phone. If you ever go out to dinner with Josh and me, we will not allow you to have your phone, I'm sorry.

Leah Glover Hayes:
If you can't hang out with us for an hour eating without your phone being on the table and checking your watch and your texts, then I don't want to have dinner with you because-

Angela Proffitt:
It's just respectful.

Leah Glover Hayes:
Let's just hang out while we're doing it and then take your call afterwards. So, I just I really value that for sure.

Angela Proffitt:
Amen. So, before we jump off and talk about Her Story of Success and how you started it and why you started it, take us back and share how did you grow up? Where did you grow up? What set you on this journey to want to share this message via Her Story of Success? Welcome to Business Unveiled, the podcast designed to help you thrive in the creative community. Here's your host events and productivity consultant, Angela Proffitt.

Angela Proffitt:
What's up GSD leaders thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of Business Unveiled, where we share expert tips and secrets from top creative industry professional. We're going to take you behind the scenes of our experiences, share with you what we've learned from them and how it's made us stronger because no one said it's easy owning a business. But it's a lot more fun when you've got a strong support team around you. And that's exactly what we do at GSD Creative. We're right there by your side. And I'm so excited that you've chosen this podcast to take the first step, and growing a productive, profitable and successful, wildly successful business within the hospitality and creative industry.

Angela Proffitt:
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Leah Glover Hayes:
Yeah, so I grew up in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. And my parents had bought land. They were from Michigan and bought land in this random place in Tennessee, and thought, “You know what, I want to get out of the city and I want to raise my kids in the country.” And so, in this small town, it was very political and everybody knows everybody and everybody is related but not in a incestuous way. Just in a everybody knows everybody. So, I always felt like this city girl trapped in the country. And I always felt like I don't know if undervalued or underestimated is the right word. I'm 5″2 I didn't break 100 pounds until I was a senior in high school. But I played basketball. And so, I always was this little bitty person that knew I was built for more.

Leah Glover Hayes:
I'm like, there is something out there that is not here that I want to go find. I want to go experience it, I want to go do it. So, I've kind of always been this like, bigger than life person trapped in a tiny body. And I've been a big city girl trapped in nowheresville, Tennessee. And so, when I definitely hit a rebellious stage out of high school because I was still living at home going to college. And something in me knew if I kept doing what I was doing, and being in this town, I just wasn't going to reach who I was.

Leah Glover Hayes:
So, I left Tennessee moved in with some family that was still in Michigan ended up becoming a flight attendant, because again, being from nowheresville I wanted to just experience life, I wanted to see what was out there and became a flight attendant, and then ended up on my journies visited Chicago a couple times and fell in love with the city. And was like, “You know what, I'm going to move here.” So, I think at an early age, I've just been like, “You know what, I'm going to go do that because I want to.” And I'm not a jump all in kind of person, I dip the toe like, “Oh, how's this water?” And then once I realize like, “Oh, I'm not going to die. Okay, I'll try it.”

Leah Glover Hayes:
It's always that I always go to like, “What's the worst that could happen?” If I lived in Michigan and I fail and it's terrible, well, my parents still live here, I can come back and move with my parents. When I lived in Michigan, and I wanted to move to Chicago. I was like, “What's the worst thing that could happen?” Okay, I move there, I'm completely fail. I hate it. Okay, I can move back with my godparents lived with my own, I can move back with my family if I get totally broke, or I can move back to Tennessee. The worst thing that could happen is really not that bad. So, that's how I've lived my life of trying things and like, “Well, what's the worst that could happen?”

Leah Glover Hayes:
And I listened to that on Tim Ferriss, he talks about that, going through the process of understanding, well, if you want to try something, what's the worst thing that could happen? And it helps you understand too, is this a risk that I'm willing to take? Or is that worst thing that could happen actually, so bad that I can't afford to take that risk? Does that make sense?

Angela Proffitt:
Absolutely. Everything is [crosstalk 00:09:41] these days.

Leah Glover Hayes:
100%, and then when I was in Chicago and decided, I got my first “real job.” I worked for cars.com as an account manager, and I totally thrived. I was one of the best ones. I won all kinds of awards. And it was awesome. And then I was like, “Oh, I'm kind of going into business thing. This is fun.” And so, then I was just like, “Oh, what's my next step?” I'm always that person that's like, I've always been happy. Everyone is like, I'm a very happy, joyful person. But I'm also like, “Okay, cool. Well, I got this far, how far can I go? What's next?” And I'm not that person that's like always searching desperate to find happiness. And that person that's like, “No, I love where I am. But if I got here, how far can I go? And who else can I bring with me?”

Leah Glover Hayes:
I'm not a stand on a podium, number one champion by myself. I'm like, “Oh, I'm a team sport kind of girl because I don't want to celebrate by myself.”

Angela Proffitt:
It's not fun.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And I think that's why probably Her Story of Success happened is that my whole life, it's like, I want to do well, and I want to succeed, but I want other people to enjoy it too. That's just kind of been my MO is like, “Let's just go after it.” But and I say that it sounds like I'm this super competent person. However, during all of that, and we all suffer from different things. We all have our little issues and our demons and whatever. But I have always suffered from debilitating insecurity. So, I think because I was a no one from nowheresville, and I was tiny, and I was always thought to not be able to do anything or achieve anything.

Leah Glover Hayes:
It's been a battle choosing who to listen to because sometimes the voice that saying that you can't do it is also your voice. And sometimes your mind doesn't know if someone else telling me that or am I telling me that? And so, I think the thing that's really helped me by the grace of God is I think in every pivotal point in my life I have had those people around me that truly believed in me. There are always going to have the naysayers. And it's not that I look at naysayers, and I'm like, “Oh my gosh, they're right.” Why does it… someone I can't remember who it was, he was like, “You can't covet what you can't see.” And so, because I had never seen anybody like me be successful, because I've never seen in my family anybody in my family achieve success in business, because I'd never seen it, I didn't think that I could, because I'm like, “Well, who am I? I'm a no one from nowheresville.”

Leah Glover Hayes:
I went to come off college for a semester and a half. I'm a quitter. I labeled myself all of these things of like, “I'm a quitter and nobody and who am I? I didn't go to college, I was only a flight attendant. Who am I to think that I can be successful in business?” But then I'm like, “Well, I'm also resourceful. Well, let me see if I can just get that interview because it says you have to have a college degree. But I'm like, “Well, let me see if I can get the interview.” And then if I get the interview, it's like, “Well, let me use all of the things that I learned as a flight attendant having to be responsible, and all of the things that I learned about having authority and being responsible.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And people are trusting you with their lives and taking that responsibility as a young person I just use the experiences I had in my life to stand on a platform of confidence that I had to build for myself.

Angela Proffitt:
How did you do this? How did you reframe your mindset?

Leah Glover Hayes:
I think it's a, honestly my faith is the one thing. I believe that Jesus died for me and when I read that He came to give us life more abundant. I chose to believe that for myself, that if I've done all the things that I've done, if I believe He's brought me to it, then I had this vision of like, “Well, if you brought me here, and you allowed me to do these things, I believe also that you have a plan for me because you say that you're a light into my feet and a lamp into my path, that just because I don't know that next step, and I can't see it, I'm going to believe that you're guiding me to it. And I'm going to believe that you chose me for a reason.”

Angela Proffitt:
That's amazing.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And if you chose, Moses, he stuttered. He wasn't a good speaker. And if you chose him to lead people out of Egypt, then I might not be equipped to do the things that I'm setting out to do, but you're going to equip me. He equips the called. Does that makes sense?

Angela Proffitt:
Yeah.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And also, sometimes it's like, “Lord, I need someone that's a human being on Earth to believe in me, and He'll send me a friend or he'll send me somebody that tells me like, “Hey, you are amazing. You can do these things.” I had a godmother that believed in me and said, “Leah, you've come from nothing. And you've you've built to where you are. You can go do anything that you want to do.” So, it's being able to surround yourself with people that believe in you. I've had to end a lot of relationships, not because maybe they were mean, but they were toxic. And I could tell that I felt bad when I was around them. So, I didn't do this whole breakup, like, “Hey, you're been toxic person, and I don't feel that you're beneficial for me anymore.”

Leah Glover Hayes:
I didn't do that it was just more of those like I just stopped hanging out with that person as much and really said, “Okay.” I think someone and… Always I listen to podcasts, I read books, I've done a lot of self help. And I've invested my time and I've invested energy, and I've invested my heart into, “Let me find other people that I admire and figure out their stories like Oprah Winfrey.” Everyone knows her as a successful person but if you really look at what she did, she came from nothing, and she chose to believe in herself. And I was like, “You know what, I'm going to choose to believe in myself, even when I don't feel like I'm capable. Why not me? Why not me? If Oprah did it? Why can't I do it?”

Angela Proffitt:
I love it.

Leah Glover Hayes:
It's just like my guiding light? I'm like, “If Oprah can do it, I can do it.”

Angela Proffitt:
I love it.

Leah Glover Hayes:
Because she's amazing and she just surrounded herself, and she chose to believe in herself.

Angela Proffitt:
I love it. So, how did you get the podcast going? How did you… Because I feel like, every day just about or maybe even every other day. It's like, I'm around people and they're like, “I want to start a podcast? Or like, How much time does it really take to have a podcast? And what do you have to do?” And so, how did you find the way and just say I'm going to do this?

Leah Glover Hayes:
Great question. Yes. So, I'm a firm believer in utilizing your resources and understanding what you have, and what you need. So, why I wanted to start a podcast is because I love to talk. It's the best thing that God gave me.

Angela Proffitt:
Me too.

Leah Glover Hayes:
I always got to talk too much. I mean, I got in trouble growing up, she gets done with her homework and then she wants to talk to everybody else. So, my teachers would always give me special projects. But when I when podcasting started becoming a thing, and so at the same time, I'm trying to get better. I'm wanting to be a successful business person. I'm reading all these books. And by the way, reading a book takes a long time. And I realized that reading nonfiction books for me, it takes me longer. So, I did start listening to podcast. And so. for me, I'm on this journey of like, “I want to grow. I want to be the best version of myself. I knew I wanted to start a company that empowered women and helped women succeed.

Leah Glover Hayes:
But I didn't know what that looked like. So, I started listening to podcasts, and I'm listening to NPR, How I Built This. And I listened to Entre Leadership with Ken Coleman. And I was listening to Tony Robbins, and Tim Ferriss, and they were all great and wonderful. And there was a couple of podcasts that were women interviewing but when I started Her Story of Success, there really wasn't that many. And honestly, I didn't really love them. And so, I was like, You know what, I think I want to start my own podcast.” And so, I started looking into it and I was like, “Oh, my God, there is so much involved with starting a podcast.” And I was like, “I don't know about this.”

Leah Glover Hayes:
And by the grace of the good Lord, the woman that I met with and said, “Hey, I want to do this.” And she decided to be my partner. She met again in Cork Buckner, who has been sharing marketing. Well, they do podcasts for companies, so like business to business type stuff. And I wasn't really business to business, but he liked me. And so, when we sat down with him, we were like, “Hey, can you help us think through this podcast, how we can get started?” He started to give us like you can buy this microphone and get the software and all these things. And then I don't know if I asked him or if he offered to do the podcast for us.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And at the time I had a lot more money than I had time, because I had a full time job. So, I'm a big believer in outsourcing. I don't clean my own house because I'm paying someone to do that.

Angela Proffitt:
Not a good use of your time.

Leah Glover Hayes:
Because I don't want to spend my time, not a good use of my time. I'm always like, “What's going to be the best ROI?” And I thought, you know what, instead of me trying to figure out all of these things, I don't want to know the speeds and feeds. I don't want to know how to edit software or edit a podcast, because that's not my skill set. If I knew that, that would frustrate me I found someone that could do all of the back end for me that I paid. And so, literally, it's nice studio in an Entrepreneur Center in Nashville, Tennessee, and we would walk in, he's already set up, the guests sit down, we interview them, and we leave and they take care of the back end.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And so, I'm all about doing things. I'm not lazy, but I am doing things smarter, not harder. So, how can I do something that's the highest quality that I have to put the least amount of work into. It's up to what you can afford. So, for me, it was a better ROI, for me to pay someone to do the podcast for me than for me to do it myself. So, what I did was find the guest, book the guests, interview the guest, and then they did everything else.

Angela Proffitt:
That's amazing. Yeah, I mean-

Leah Glover Hayes:
I mean, Ellen's mom, honestly, she was an editor. So, she wrote our blog post.

Angela Proffitt:
That's awesome.

Leah Glover Hayes:
So, we found people and she had a cousin that built our website. So, a lot of the pieces that you see on Her Story Success, that's not me doing it because that's not my skill set. I found someone to write our blog, someone that does the social media, that takes the pictures, because I'm not good at it. And I care more about having a quality product than me working 18 hours a day trying to do all of it myself.

Angela Proffitt:
And at least you get the fact that you can't do it all by yourself. I mean, you can but then-

Leah Glover Hayes:
Well, yeah.

Angela Proffitt:
You then you become a master at distraction in things that you're stuck doing that you don't like doing. Why are you doing in first place? And it's just like, my mom doesn't understand why get blow outs and why I would ever think about Ubering downtown when I have a car. I can make money while I can spend 40 bucks and make 4,000. Why would I take that time?

Leah Glover Hayes:
Exactly, exactly.

Angela Proffitt:
It's a mindset, it really is a mindset of thinking smarter not harder and just thinking differently because a lot of people-

Leah Glover Hayes:
How many businesses do you work with that you consult? And it's about helping them find the tools and resources for them to be able to get the most value out of what they're doing. And every business owner is outsourcing something. You're outsourcing something in your life. And so, learning how to outsource the right things for you in the right season is huge. And that's something that like, when you you when you work with me, because I mean, we've talked about you helping me with my business and being a consultant for me, there's a ton of things that I want you to look at that I'm doing because I'm always in this constant state of like, what can I do better?

Leah Glover Hayes:
And I look at you as a mentor because, I mean, truly you've had multiple businesses over the last few years. And so, I realized that, “Okay, cool. I've had this podcast for two years, I've been full time in my business, which does marketing for large organizations that are trying to market marketing to women, for companies and industries that are male dominated and have this male field that realized, but listen, there's a lot of good white middle aged men out there that realize that they need to change, and I'm that person that's going to help them.” So, that's what I'm doing with Her Story of Success, is meeting with companies that are trying to market to women that are looking at, “Hey, internally, what do we need to do for our women?”

Leah Glover Hayes:
Companies that are out there trying to get better. And I want to be that person that helps them do that, because I want to make money off of it, and do it the right way and get them the right. So, as I'm growing my business, I'm looking for business consultants and business coaches that are going to help me say, “Okay, Leah, cool, you've not lead the company to size. So, here's some things to think about.” I think anything that you do in your life, it's all about getting help, getting guidance from people. At the end of the day, you can probably tell me some things and I might agree with 60% of it, but then there's going to be certain things and it's like, “Well, I hear you, and I'm going to take this part that you're doing but this other thing, I'm going to make it my own way.”

Leah Glover Hayes:
So, it's that balance of getting guidance, learning from others, and making it your own.

Angela Proffitt:
Absolutely.

Leah Glover Hayes:
I'm sure you see that all the time.

Angela Proffitt:
Well, and the thing is especially from a marketing perspective, and a psychology perspective, a lot of people, they buy from people they like and you form your own way by your past experiences, your morals, your values, how you were raised, or worse, how you were not raised and how you've never want other people to experience that hurt and that pain. And so, it's just as much as I love automation and I'm actually getting ready to go do a talk on just artificial intelligence and trying to reframe how people say, “Older people are afraid of it.” I'm like, “Oh, yeah, most of our clients are over 50 because they know they need to become aware and educate themselves but automation and robots, it's never going to take the place of knowledge and sharing and feelings and emotion and people buy from an emotional experience.”

Angela Proffitt:
And so, trying to get people that understand talking about outsourcing that automation can be a lovely tool to help you gain more time back so that you can do other things and build a bigger business. So, I know one thing for you is just mentorship and audit, and mentorship. And so, what does mentorship mean to you? And what it is the [crosstalk 00:25:26] process?

Leah Glover Hayes:
And I'm glad you said that, because mentorship is to me, had been the biggest thing in my life because the majority of women that I interview they learned how to work hard from their dad. And I love my dad, but I've never seen him work hard, he just doesn't at all. And I've seen my mom work really hard, but she has a complete scarcity mentality. She still thinks that like being financially successful is sinful. And so, I've had to fight that my whole life. So, I was lucky, my youth leader at church was my first mentor. And of course, you don't realize it at the time, but he's the first person that looked at me and said, “Leah, you've got to have discipline, direction, dedication and determination to get anywhere in life.” And kind of helped me see that.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And so, from him being that first mentor that really saw me as me and said, “There's something in you that you can be successful. You have to do these things. You've got to figure out what discipline looks like for you because I've thought that my whole life, I'm a very free spirit. But so from that, and then as you get older, I started to realize, you know what, mentorship is not just an older person that's done what I'm trying to do, that's giving me advice. That's traditional mentorship. That is great, and it is important, but what I really started to realize is passive mentorship is one of the most important things in a person's life.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And this is what I encourage people to audit all the time. One of my mentors, Diana Sumpter, I used to sell Mary Kay, and she was my National Sales Director, that leadership program ever people that hate network marketing, oh my god, do it for a year and that's in leadership that you want to not have is incredible. But anyway, she used to always tell me if I wasn't doing well, or I wasn't hitting my goal. She's like, “What are you listening to? What are you reading? What are you consuming? What are you watching?” And I'm like, “What?” And she really helped me realize that what you watch on TV, what you read, what you listen to is going to determine who you become.

Leah Glover Hayes:
So, that's when I was like listening to podcasts, reading business books, I don't watch television during the week. My husband and I watch it on Disney movie on Sundays to just be in a good mood, but I really started realizing the things that I invite into myself, through my eyes, through my ears, through all of those things is going to determine my thought process throughout the rest of my day. So, I started auditing what I listened to, the podcasts I'm listening to, the books that I'm reading. And then when I looked also at mentorship, I thought about well, peer mentorship, you hear all the time, you become the five people that you hang out with. And yes, I would love to hang out with Beyonce and Oprah, and all of these amazing people that I look up to and Sallie Krawcheck but the reality is your friends also matter.

Leah Glover Hayes:
So, like I said earlier, when I had to look at who am I spending time with? What do those friend groups look like? And even like, I do this Bible study with a group of girls, and that's one area, but they're all in a very different stage. And no one's in this stage that's like I am, that's like I'm trying to change the world and be super successful in business. So, I have different groups of friends for different needs. I've got my spiritual group, I have my group of girls that I work with, that we're all building businesses, and working really hard to succeed. And then I have my husband's honestly is one of my best mentors, because we're both, and I think this is really important when when people have spouses, it's like, I think it's really important to communicate where you are in your life, where you are in your business, what your next step looks like, where they are in their business, what they're trying to achieve, what their next step looks like, so that you continue to grow together.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And that they can also look at what you're doing and give guidance and advice. Do you know what I mean? I think that people a lot of times don't look at their spouse or their best friend as that person that you can really look at and say, “Hey, here's where I'm trying to go.” And for example, the other part of mentorship is I want everyone to hire a coach, there is something about exchanging money for value that will change your life. And so, when I hired a coach, I hired Christine LNL and it was honest to God the most money I've ever spent in my whole life. It was like this, one of those, what's the worst thing that could happen? It was like I'd be out a lot of money.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And so, it was the most money I've ever spent. But I knew I was ready because I went through, I knew I wanted to hire a coach. But I thought that I wasn't disciplined enough, and I wasn't ready. So, honestly, I signed up for a Fit Females Program, it's a workout thing. It was over six weeks, and you have to do workout three times a week and have a super regimented diet. And so, I did that to prove to myself that I was able to do things that sucked for no reason, that I could do hard things that suck for no reason. And so, once I did that, I hired my coach, I spent all this money. And as I was going through it, she asked, she's like, “You need to figure out what's the one thing that's going to hold you back from success.” And so, instead of me answering it, I went to my husband, because who's more invested in me becoming successful than the person married to me?

Leah Glover Hayes:
He would love for me to be a sugar mama or to make as much or more than him. And so, he said, “Leah, I think your anger issues is what will keep you from success.”

Angela Proffitt:
Interesting.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And that's surprising, because, “Well, what do you mean?” And so, he helped me see that my anger issues and the way that I get upset about things and lose my cool. He's like, “If you have a team and you do that in front of them, then they might lose respect for you. He's like, “And if you lose the respect, then you lose everything.” And so, with this business coach that's helping me figure out how to go from employee, because I hired her while I was still employee, to go from employee to CEO. I had to become the person that can be that CEO and she helped me do that. And so, she helped me really work through anger issues and develop some systems around dealing with anger instead of these big business things. We would think it'd be like, “Oh, you need to do this and get this process in place.” But for me, it was really about learning how to deal with my anger so that as I'm growing a business, and these big things that come up that I'm able to handle them and not lose my cool. Isn't that crazy?

Angela Proffitt:
Do you know why you have or your husband calls it like anger issues? Did you ever have experiences growing up as a child or figure out why you get angry?

Leah Glover Hayes:
Yeah.

Angela Proffitt:
I mean, I can go from a one to a 500, real quick.

Leah Glover Hayes:
You're like me.

Angela Proffitt:
It's just the way I was raised.

Leah Glover Hayes:
We're friends. Yeah, I hope this doesn't trigger anybody but the one that I use the word psychotic, but I'll just say this really I get enraged really quickly with a very short fuse. And I love my dad, my dad's a good dad, he was really good to us. But I think that he has a very bad temper. And he was never physical, but just I realized now, it probably was emotional abuse that we went through. And anybody that knows my dad, but he's good. I love him. He's super sweet man. But I think going through that, just in your home, having someone to yell so much and get so angry and cuss. And I didn't realize that it was traumatic because it was just part of life. And so, now I'm realizing like, “Oh, wow. That does affect me.”

Leah Glover Hayes:
And so, honestly going through premarital counseling, before we got engaged our pastor made us do these workbooks. And he made us both sit down individually and be like, “Well, how did your parents communicate? How did they fight? How did they make decisions?” And really laying that down beside Josh's and saying, “Oh, your love language is words of affirmation, quality time, and your parents never yelled.” And so, I realized, “Oh, I can't bring this into my marriage.” And so, doing that with him helped me realize, “Oh, if I can't do that with you, I bet I shouldn't do that in other areas of my life.”

Leah Glover Hayes:
And so, this whole process of us being married and going through these things helped me realize like, “Oh, I need to change my demeanor, in this way to be a good wife to you but also, wow, that's going to help me in business because I can't yell at people in business. I can't yell at people that I work with, because that would be very damaging to them. And so, other people don't really see it, but I still have this and it's not something that you can quit in a year. But you're just going to like, “Okay, I have anger issues. I'm going to stop now.” So, it is a process and it's something that we've worked on in our marriage because if I yelled at him the way that my dad yelled at my mom or us we wouldn't have a marriage.

Leah Glover Hayes:
But that also helped me to see if I yell at anybody like that. I'm not going to have a good business, because you can't do that in business. Because I'm known for being a joyful, happy, nice, fun person. How much would that damage my brand and who I am if I end up yelling in front, you know what I mean, in front of people? Yeah, that's kind of important. And it's not that I'm being dishonest. I'm working on myself. It's a process of getting better.

Angela Proffitt:
And honestly, I thought that it was just normal, the way my family-

Leah Glover Hayes:
Thought it too.

Angela Proffitt:
I mean, I saw as normal. It was like, “Pass, the fucking salt. It's like, we're all talking on each other. That's just normal. And so, I mean, one reason, my mother when she was born, her father, my grandfather was deaf. And so, she was loud as shit from that. And growing up, he would just turn to her nights off. When she was born, he was old, old, like in the 60s. And then my dad was like this undercover drug cop that like worked in this super high risk, just around all this crazy stuff. And it's like, you don't really understand it until you're an adult. And it's like you did what?

Angela Proffitt:
And I'm like, “Mom, how did you stay married to him for so… that's so dangerous. What the hell? And so, as a kid, it's like mom stayed home and raised us. Dad traveled, did well, and work for the same company for 30 years. And so, but I just thought it was normal. And then you go to college, and then you start to be around your friend's families, and you go to dinner. And then I started planning weddings, and then I was around other families. And then I'm like, “I think our family is a tad bit A, loud, B, dysfunctional, the way we communicate. And so, I had to get a lot of counseling and coaching to understand and how to process information because no one ever taught me that. No one ever taught me how to communicate.

Angela Proffitt:
And so, as a kid, I just knew the way that I knew. And my parents developed, we had this very sheltered life but again, you don't know that you get in the real world. This isn't what I studied in college, these people are crazy. But there's pros and cons to it but when I was in mental health, and I thought that I was like, starting my career, and I finally graduated. And that's when everything, my world stopped, because I did not know a how to be A, good listener, I didn't know how to process that information. And it's like, asking patients like, “Do you want me to try to help you and offer you guidance?” Which I'm 19, they didn't listen to me. And so, they looked at me like I was a kid.

Angela Proffitt:
And I really was back then. I had no life experience to share but that's what I went to school for. And so, doing all these different communication methodologies, that's what made me totally geek out. And that's what changed my whole mindset of understanding that I don't process, I don't understand how to focus, how to process, how to communicate with different personalities. You could say one thing to this person on the left, and then you say the exact same thing to the person on the right, one laughs at you and one cusses you out. And it's like, “How do you read these signal?” And that's when I was very young, I started to study, I was obsessed with the brain and how it works and all the personalities and now people were like, “How are you so patient? How's everyone around you happy?”

Angela Proffitt:
And unlike in my head, I don't really take them back to what you and I are discussing right now. It's like, “Well, we grew up in a crazy family.” Again, a great mother and father but again, it just wasn't really normal of how we communicated and screamed and yelled and my sister's family still does it. We call her house, the zoo. And she's got four kids. It's like I'm trying to potty train their brain on how to process information like it's not okay to scream at each other and pull each other's hair and it's literally like a zoo. And me and my brother now that we're in the entrepreneur community, in the world, and we have learned different skill sets of how to deal with people and how to run a business, and how to communicate with people. And then being able to share that with other people, where they don't know what they don't know, because no one's ever told them, they don't teach us this shit in school. They just don't.

Angela Proffitt:
Even though my degree was in psychology, they didn't teach me as a student, how to understand and how to focus and customize the message the way the person in front of you needs to hear it. And so, that's why I asked because, I mean, I was with my mom the other day, and she's making coffee in our hotel room, which literally, you want to make me mad. I hate the smell coffee, oh, my god. I'm not a coffee person. And I'm like, “I generally love to wake up happy start the day, a new day, but I wake up to the smell of this disgusting hotel coffee.” And I'm like, “Mom, really? You know these things.” And then she makes excuses. But I literally go zero to 500 getting so mad. And I'm like, “Great. Now, I get to smell like coffee all day long. And now I have to wash my hair.”

Angela Proffitt:
And of course, it's all about me, but I'm like, “You're in my hotel room.” So, there's no reason to let it ruin your day. And the [crosstalk 00:41:16] if she did that to my dad, he would not speak to her for two days. I'm not even shitting you.

Leah Glover Hayes:
Oh, wow.

Angela Proffitt:
“I'm going to say it one more time please don't ever do that again. This is now the second time this has happened. It's worse than fish, cooking fish in my house that I'm highly allergic to. So, please don't do it and we're going to forget about it. And we're going to move on and we're going to have a great day.” And so, I've learned to let that anger go that it's not worth ruining a day. I mean, life is too short. So, I mean, I could like I could write a whole book on just-

Leah Glover Hayes:
I love it.

Angela Proffitt:
Communication and anger and how to process.

Leah Glover Hayes:
It's huge.

Angela Proffitt:
It's so important. It's so important.

Leah Glover Hayes:
Maybe I'll interview you for my book.

Angela Proffitt:
Yeah, I mean, it's so important. And then just thank you for sharing with us about how you went from-

Leah Glover Hayes:
No, absolutely.

Angela Proffitt:
Self doubt and also something that a lot of women do we over commit because we say yes to everything. So, how have you overcome over committing? What have you practiced to be there?

Leah Glover Hayes:
Well, and that's a process, I definitely have started saying, I've started telling people like, “Hey, I just tell them I'm not going to commit to this because I tend to over commit. Or, honestly, I have just canceled things because I'm like, “I have over committed and I have to let that go.” Because I think one thing that we forget is sometimes when like, let's say you book a meeting with somebody, and you're like, “Man, I have double booked this or something else come up.” And we have so much guilt around canceling. I'll tell you, Angela, so often, either if I cancel on somebody, or they cancel on me, it ends up being better for both parties. I think we have to let go of this trying to please everyone and really do what's best for everyone in the room.

Leah Glover Hayes:
Because if you do something just because you said you would, you're going to be resentful, you're not going to be present with the meeting that's there because you're thinking about 5000 things that you have to do. And so, I would rather someone not meet with me and cancel on me than be completely distracted and do it only because they said that they would. Does that make sense?

Angela Proffitt:
Totally.

Leah Glover Hayes:
So, I let go of the guilt that I place on myself for canceling, if I need to. But also I've just stopped saying yes to things. I'm like that does sound great. I mean, I get things all the time that Her Story of Success should be a part of and I was like, “That sounds like a great thing. I can't be everywhere. And I've already made too many commitments.” There's three things right now that I'm supposed to be in in the same week. And I'm like, “You have to make a decision, what's best for you where you're going and what you're going to be able to give of yourself because if you do have to be selfish.” I was a flight attendant, you absolutely have to put your mask on first. And also like, let's say somebody gets out of their seat, and it's a kid, I'm not going to get out of my seat to go save them because guess what's going to happen? I'm going to get hurt and then I can't save the hundreds of other people.

Leah Glover Hayes:
You have to take care of yourself so that you can help others, you have to take care of yourself so that you can do your job. Does that make sense? You have to take care of yourself so that you can fulfill the impact that you want to have in this world. So, when it comes to over committing when you overcome it, be honest about it and apologize but don't allow other people to guilt you or to place that guilt on yourself. I mean, the reality is other people can fill that in. So, sometimes what I do, let's say I have over committed, and I've committed to do something for someone, then I try to fill in that spot. I'll say, “You know what, I can't do that but here's this other person, I think would be a perfect fit for it.”

Leah Glover Hayes:
I've just introduced them to say, “Hey, can you do this?” And just trust that it's all going to work out? I think that that's part of it. And the one thing I did want to mention was this concept of seasons of success. One thing that I've noticed, it's not just for myself, but other women that I interviewed. Think about this as a woman, think about who you were when you were 15, who you were when you were 20, who you were when you were 25, who you were when you were 30, who you are when you're 35, like even every five years you change. And so, if you change as a woman, as a person, especially if you're like a mom, or get married, or any of those things, you're different. And so, guess what success is going to look different in those seasons. I think that we forget our version or definition of success today. It's okay if it's different than last year.

Leah Glover Hayes:
It's okay if it's different. And I think that when we think… and I purposely use the word success in my company name, because success should be something that you're currently living in. I get so disheartened when people explain success as something they're striving for. Because why would you not be living in success? Are you not proud of how far you've come? No matter what it is, even if you're in a valley, that's really hard, be proud that you're like, “You know what, I'm in this valley and it super sucks. And there's something I want to get out of, but you know what, I got myself here, I can get myself out. I have had success in the past.”

Leah Glover Hayes:
I think being able to make shift your own success or your own confidence like I did in like, “Okay, well, right now it might just be a box, I want to stand on a mountain one day, but all I have is this milk crate that I carried with me.” So, whatever it is, you've got to step on that thing to get to the next level. And success is something that we should live in, and work towards. It shouldn't just be something we work towards because to me if you're not happy, and I don't mean like, if you're not content with who you are and where you are today, it doesn't matter what you strive for, you're never going to find it because it's always going to elude you.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And so, I really focus on even with Her Story of Success today, people are like, “Oh, you're killing it, you're doing so great.” And I definitely can see where I want to go. And I can fall into that trap of like, “Oh, but I'm not there yet. And then I sit down.” And then my husband looks at me with this confused look on his face and he's like, “Leah, you created something from nothing. It doesn't matter that you're not where you don't want to be. You have something, it is a company, it is a podcast, you have 50 episodes, you might not be where you want.” And so, I still have to be reminded. So, I say that to say, define success for you today, and where you want to go, but make sure that your definition includes that you're living in it today. Does that make sense?

Angela Proffitt:
Yeah.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And appreciate where you are. And the other thing is, if you're single, have girlfriends that pump you up, if you're married and your husband sucks have girlfriends that pumped up. Because listen, I'm married and very fortunate or I only listen, you got to be with someone that you… It's so important to be growing with someone. And Josh and I didn't get married until when in, to me it was early, but we got married at 30. Our second date, I was like, “Here's the deal. I know what I want. I know what I don't want, I'm not going to date somebody for five years before I get married. And I'm only going to be with someone that I want to be with not someone that I need to be with. And I can't be with someone that needs me. So, if you rely on me for happiness, this isn't going to work.”

Angela Proffitt:
Good for you.

Leah Glover Hayes:
I mean, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, that was me.

Angela Proffitt:
I love that movie.

Leah Glover Hayes:
[crosstalk 00:49:11] to be like, you're going know all the crazy before we get started because I'm laying it out there. But we've also grown together. So, if you look at where we were seven years ago, when we got married, oh my god, financially, where we are in our head space, we are both so much further along than we were seven years ago because we take responsibility for ourselves and what we're doing, but we also encourage the other person and say, “You can do this, you're doing great. Here's where I see you.” I think it's important to have people around you surround yourself with this is where I see you, that I see you growing into this person. And a lot of people are like, “Well, how do you find a mentor?” And I'm like, “Be one.”

Leah Glover Hayes:
Find somebody… But when I met you, I'm like, “Oh my gosh, you're so amazing. I want to be in your life. So, I have stopped you.”

Angela Proffitt:
Love it.

Leah Glover Hayes:
And been like, “Hey, I admire who you are, I want to be in your life. So, I want to be that friend to you. I want to tell you why you're amazing. I want to tell you all the things I see in you. And guess what happens in turn, you do it for me.

Angela Proffitt:
Absolutely.

Leah Glover Hayes:
I think we need to look at like, what we're willing to give when we look at what we want to receive.

Angela Proffitt:
Absolutely. This is been so much fun. I could talk to you all day.

Leah Glover Hayes:
I know. Well, we do. It's so fun when we made a Collective615. So, yes, you're amazing. I love what you're doing. I appreciate the way that you're investing into other women. And I appreciate the way that you've invested into me and Her Story of Success. And I'm looking forward to both of us growing our podcast and our businesses alongside each other.

Angela Proffitt:
Yes, this has been so amazing. And yeah, I don't know why some and again, this goes back to not teaching young kids how to lift each other up, and how amazing it can make you and someone else feel versus picking on people and bullying people and having a hidden agenda. And my parents raised me even though like, we yell a lot. My parents were like, “You are nice to everyone. You smile. You treat everyone with respect.” I mean, I was a good kid with good manners. Now, at home people that would come over again, they're like, “Why are you fighting?” I'm like, “We're not fighting. This is just how we talk.”

Leah Glover Hayes:
Same here. We get really loud. Same.

Angela Proffitt:
And it's just like, I don't mean to be loud but when we did the grand opening, and Cathy is like, “You're so loud.” And I'm like, “I know, and of course, I don't want to disrupt the other tenants. But at the same time, I want to celebrate all of our founding members.” And it was a very exciting day. And there's other people around, they're like “Keep it down, shh.” I'm like, “But can we not celebrate for like 10 minutes? No one's going to die.”

Leah Glover Hayes:
Yeah, we're all going to get our shit done.

Angela Proffitt:
Yeah, it's just like, other people can join in who want to feel that happiness. And then the people who are jealous or are not in the mood, they can go to the other end of the building.

Leah Glover Hayes:
Exactly.

Angela Proffitt:
It's just typically, you attract what you put off. So, somebody gave me a little heart candy for Valentine's Day. And I'm opening and eating up and it has like a little message inside. I don't think she did this on purpose. But it says something about, “Your tribe is who you surround yourself with.” And I was actually at a conference and about focus. And so, it's like where I'm sitting right now today is exactly who I want to be around and my tribe. And these people around me, teach me how to focus, how to be a better business owner, how to be a better leader, how to be a better daughter, a better aunt all of those things.

Angela Proffitt:
And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now. I took a few right there and getting rid of some energy vampires and you would think hurtful relationships but honestly, once I got rid of the energy vampires, there were no tear shed, at all right. And two people in particular a couple years ago that I spent a lot of time with, I think that they were, one girl was like, “I'm going to move on. I'm not in the right place right now. I need to grow.” I'm like, “I'm so proud of you. Spread your wings and fly.” I'm so happy for the time that we had together and how we help people grow. Yeah, and she was in shock. She's like, “You're not upset?” I'm like, “Why would I be upset?” And she's like, “Well, what are you going to do without me?” I'm like, “Move forward.”

Leah Glover Hayes:
Oh, my goodness.

Angela Proffitt:
And then this whole thing spiraled where she thought I was going to be begging like, “No, please don't go get another job.” And I'm like, “That's not me, I mean, you've known me for six years.” And you don't know that everybody has a season. Do you listen Jay Shetty, the Indian.

Leah Glover Hayes:
Yeah, he's great.

Angela Proffitt:
One of my favorite videos where he's like, “People are like roots, like a tree. Roots you've got your branches, you've got your leaves, and then you've got seasons and when it's winter, the leaves fall off. And when you've got limb branches that break off.” And he's like, “It's okay. People are going to come in and out of your life at certain times in your life but you're always going to have your roots which usually it is your family or a spouse or a partner that end up being your roots. They're good, bad no matter what when you need them, they're there. Those are your rocks.

Leah Glover Hayes:
That's a good point.

Angela Proffitt:
Yeah, I mean, I really unlike you, I listen to all these super business but/nerdy things that help me process information, because I wasn't taught. And it definitely wasn't a practiced in my home where I grew up. And so, now owning a business, I can control the type of communication I practice. And I can control how I treat people, internally and externally, which is going to guide the people that are working around me and with me and for me, how to treat other people. So, having that unpacked and knowing you're being watched, not judged, but watched on, “Let's see how Angela handles this.”

Angela Proffitt:
90% of the time, I'm like no one said it's a process. Now, if I haven't had any sleep, and you're making coffee or cooking fish around me, I might blow up a little bit.

Leah Glover Hayes:
I might actually lose it.

Angela Proffitt:
Yeah, I might lose it. And that's another thing. Before we even started this podcast, we were talking just about, it's so gross in Nashville, and the weather's nasty, and we again, as women, I used to work three days straight, I wouldn't sleep. It was like the most unhealthy thing that I ever did for years. And now, it's setting boundaries and saying, and you even said it earlier, “When my body shuts down, I listen. And I've learned to listen.” And in interviews, people are like, “What would you tell your 20-something-year-old self? So, what would you… I don't know if you get those questions. But it's like, “I would actually tell myself to set boundaries and sleep.” I know I still I'm like, “I can sleep when I'm dead. I feel like I'm wasting so much time. There's so much I want to do.”

Angela Proffitt:
But when you find your purpose, and you find your why. And you focus on those specific things, and you say no to everything else, you actually have time, just sleep eight hours and sleep well. So, that's just something that is important. It's really important from a health standpoint. And like you said, you got to take care of you before you take care of anybody else.

Leah Glover Hayes:
I love it. You're awesome.

Angela Proffitt:
We can leave on that note, because I could just talk to you forever and ever and ever. But thank you so much for your time today. How can people connect with you? What is the best way? Obviously, you guys go over to Leah's podcast, and subscribe and start listening because she has lots of amazing people. So, how can they find you?

Leah Glover Hayes:
Yeah, so pretty much all socials are at Her Story of Success. And our website is Her Story of Success. And we're on LinkedIn and Instagram and definitely anywhere you view podcasts. So, we're big on Apple, Stitcher, and all the basics.

Angela Proffitt:
Awesome. Well, everyone, thank you so much for your time today. Lots and lots of good takeaways and nuggets from today, especially from this episode. So, just make sure that you take time for yourself and you identify your priorities. And be sure to tune in-

Leah Glover Hayes:
Absolutely.

Angela Proffitt:
Next week for another episode. Leah, thank you so much for today. Bye, you all. Now that you have all the tools you need to conquer the world and GSD. Just share this with your friends and your fellow GSD leaders. And be sure you're a subscriber so you never miss the juicy details of Business Unveiled. And you can ask Siri to listen to the latest episode, but you got to be a subscriber. Before I go, I have a huge favor to ask and it would mean the world to me. While you're listening snap a quick screenshot, post IT to your Instagram story, tag me @gsdleader_ and share with me your top takeaway from this episode and how it relates to you. Until next time, remember stay productive and profitable.

Speaker 3:
You've been listening to Business Unveiled with Angela Proffitt. Join us next time as we share our experiences to help you be more productive and profitable in your creative business. For more great resources, visit angelaproffitt.com.

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