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Jen Coken on Business Unveiled

How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome in Business

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How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome in Business

JEN COKEN ON BUSINESS UNVEILED

How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome in Business

If you’re a business owner who feels like you’ve lost your power, our guest today is going to come in and shatter all of your doubts. She’ll help you embrace your genius and own your success! She’s really going to be your personal wrecking ball, pulling down all of the fears that are keeping you from the life you want. Our guest is Jen Coken, an expert on imposter syndrome, and we’re talking about how you can get out of your own way and gain the success you want!

I’m sure you all know what imposter syndrome is, but maybe it’s difficult to see it in your own life. There are a few different types of imposter syndrome that Jen talks about, which may help you figure out if and how you are affected by it. What they all have in common is this moment in your past, usually a small experience, that made you feel like you weren’t enough. Unfortunately, this little experience may still be stuck with you and affecting your mentality. To overcome this, you’ll need to examine this experience and how it is affecting you and move past it. 

If you’re a high achiever, (and I know you are because you are even reading this) then imposter syndrome may be a bigger problem for you than for most people. The more you want, the more you have to overcome. You’ll face more doubts because you have a lot more that you are working towards. So if you have lots of goals and lots of doubts, don’t worry! It’s natural. 

The type of people that don’t get pulled down by their imposter syndrome are the kind of people who love solutions. We’re the solution people, the people who make things work even when they aren’t going our way. So if you’re struggling with doubts, focus on solutions. You’ll get somewhere, I promise, and it will be good. 

Imposter syndrome is a big problem for a lot of you because I hear you talking about it all the time. From both Jen and I: we know you can be the powerful and successful women that you want to be. Don’t get in your own way! Take the success and profit you want! If you want to hear more on this topic, listen to the podcast! Watch out for another episode in the next few days! 

MAIN TOPICS
  • Imposter Syndrome
  • Why High Achievers feel more doubt
  • The type of people that overcome Imposter Syndrome
KEY TAKEAWAYS

If you don't have imposter syndrome, you are not playing a big enough game.

We’re always trying to be like other people, fit into other people’s idea of who we should be, fit into some other mold. You know what: do it your way because when you’re doing it your way, people are attracted to you.

The only person in your way is you. So get out of your dang way!

MORE ABOUT OUR GUEST

Jen Coken has backgrounds in politics, stand-up comedy, and writing, so you could pretty much say she’s done it all. After being laid off from her job in politics, she spent time writing. Eventually, she found that she wanted to help other women to feel as powerful as they look. Today, she is an imposter syndrome expert, author, and coach.

LINKS MENTIONED
Take Jen's Quiz HERE
EPISODE TRANSCRIBED

I'm so excited for today's guest because she works with women in power positions, who just feel like they don't have it anymore, that they're not that powerful anymore. So she's gonna come on and shatter all your self doubts if you're one of these women listening, and really get you to embrace your genius and own your own success. So she's been recognized by ABC, Ms. NBC TEDx. She's an international peak performance coach of Fortune 500 speaker, imposter syndrome expert, and a recovering stand up comedian, which I absolutely love.

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So today's episode is absolutely fun, hilarious, you're gonna want to check in and be present be present for this podcast, because we're going to be talking about wrecking balls and knocking down your bullshit and your Bs, and really talk about rebuilding the life that you actually want. Hi, y'all. It's Angela, I'm back for another episode of business unveiled. And you guys are in for such a wonderful treat today. Because I get this question so many times a week. And I was just chatting with our guests offline telling her that I really don't feel though I have a lot to add to the subject. Because I've never felt this way before. And I think I'm like missing the sixth sense, or something. I'm being funny when I say that. But they're real, this really is a thing. And it's a topic that we really need to dive into. And talk about because I feel as though if you can't, or know how to navigate this, you're not going to know you're going to be staying in your own way. And you're not going to know how to grow not only personally in professional development, but it really can hold you back. And so I'm so so, so excited about jen cokin. She's gonna break it down for us today. So Jen, welcome to the show. Oh, my gosh, Angela, I'm so excited to be here. I love your podcast. I'm so excited that you're here. Because you know, many, you have so much amazing experience. And you've worked with so many powerful women in powerful positions, because I was stalking you last night like looking through all your stuff. And I'm like, Oh, I can't wait to ask her about this, and this and this. And I'm like screenshotting stuff. And so it's a real treat, because you bring something to the industry, that many young entrepreneurs and when I say young and new, I'm not talking about a jaw, I'm talking because there's people with the entrepreneur center that have a full blown as career 30 years they retired. And then they're like, you know what, I have this idea I'm not done with I just don't want to retire. Like I want to start something to leave a legacy. And so but but in reading and doing some research about your background, like you just have so much good stuff to bring to the table. And y'all she's got like the most incredible website and bio, and you've just you've done some really amazing things. But before we dive in and talk about what we're going to talk about today, I would love for you to share a little bit about your background, the history, how did you end up becoming this amazing coach and consultant. And really, I mean, you're an expert in imposter syndrome, which is something again that I just really don't relate to. So how have you gotten to where you are today?
Oh my gosh, it's a good story. I will share this with you.
So back in 2016 I was laid off from my first job I worked in politics for 30 years getting people elected passing legislation working on Capitol Hill running for office myself, and and I walked into meet with my boss one Monday morning and he slid this folder
To me and said, I'm sorry, with a tear in his eye, your services are no longer needed because they were re organizing the entire company. And so my division that I built was being cut. Now, here's what's interesting. The next day my first book came out.
Okay, that was perfect timing.
And I had that was the fourth job I had been laid off of during the four years and seven rewrites of my book and I spent a week praying, thinking, pondering, I had one short conversation with one of my besties husbands and I can't tell you Angela what he even said of the five minute call, by the end of it, I'm like, Okay, this is it. My job. I'm here for a much bigger platform. So my book is called when I die take my panties.
Okay, how?
Like what? I love this. Yeah, turning your darkest moments. Oh, google it good. Turning your darkest moments. When I die, take my panties. Take. Okay. Tell us more. Yeah, so it's a memoir. My mom passed away from ovarian cancer in 2000. Oh my gosh, it's so weird that I have trouble 2000
she was diagnosed in 2011. Okay, so it's been, wow, it's been a long time since she passed away. But she was misdiagnosed for a year. And I wrote this book as number one away to because it's not a sad book. It's funny. I did stand up comedy for five years. So I bring a comedic edge to everything. And I wanted to give people joy in the midst of sadness, understand, they have they do have control over some aspects of their lives. But more than that, was like, okay, maybe my role is to educate women about ovarian cancer, so that they don't get mis diagnosed, and they don't lose their family or their sisters. And so I hustled my bonds off. And over the course, this was in like, say, July one. September's ovarian cancer awareness month, I was on TV, radio, my book became an Amazon bestseller. I went and pitched like another 100 media at this pitch Fest in October, I got on all kinds of podcasts, all kinds of accolades. Three, I saved three moment women's lives who heard me speak. And they, yeah, they wouldn't got diagnosed early. I was like, Wow, this is great. But you know what? Number one, I'd run out of money. Yeah, I wasn't making any money, selling books, sorry, people. But unless you're super famous, you're not going to make a ton of money off books, or you're and, and that, and that wasn't even the piece of it. I was really holding space for a lot of people's grief. In the ovarian cancer world. I couldn't do it anymore. Yeah, I was burnt out. I was toast. I was emotionally spent. But I had to make money. And I had been a coach for 16 years for one of the top international personal growth and development companies. And that's what I always loved to do was to empower people. So I became a coach, full time, not for them. But for me. However, I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know how to build a coaching business. I didn't even know what my voice was separate from this big, well known company, who am I, right? Fast Forward, I meet this great woman who helped me with my marketing, and she was a she was like a marketing magician. And she pulled out of me, my whole purpose in this world is I'm like a six year old, I just want people to be happy. And I have one sign in my office that says Happy place.
And I look at that every day. And my job is to I just want people to be happy. So we got that. And that was great. And then we thought about some different ways that I could bring clients in, et cetera, et cetera, and threw some spaghetti on the wall and tried things and they worked and they didn't work. And then I went double down on the things that worked. But at the end of the day, I still felt like, I didn't know what my voice was. I didn't know who What do I have to say, Are people going to read? You know, there's a ton of coaches out there, right? How do you stop being the wallflower among coaches and stand out? What do I have to say? Is anyone going to listen? And in that moment, I had and I've been working with coaches for a long time trying to figure out why I questioned and doubted myself. But like we were talking off air before we were recording. When you're questioning and doubting yourself, you're not sitting around going, geez, look at me. I am questioning and doubting yourself, you know. Right.
Exactly. So I, I started doing some research. And I found out about this thing called imposter syndrome, which I'll finish my story we can get into that. I discovered that I was actually suffering from this thing called imposter syndrome. interest and what I, what I realized was because there's
one 1,140,000 hits on Google of how to overcome it, and all those tips and tricks weren't working. For me. I don't want to spend my life managing my mind.
And what I realized was I got to the source of where I put mine together, my version of imposter syndrome. And it happened when I was six. And I was besties, with my best friend, Michelle, and we like the same boy. And we decided we would chase them around the schoolyard and capture him.
I guess that's what you do at six, I don't know. But I have this vivid memory of us falling down in the snow together. And him looking at her and she had her you know, like, had her lips puckered up and he kissed her. And he looked at me and went through.
And I thought about my friend, Michelle, who is petite and blond hair blue eyed with this low pert nose, and I was always I'm five foot 10. Now I played sports in college. And I've always been tall and a bigger, you know, like athletic, right? And I knew I was never going to be like her. So I said, Okay, I'll just be the funny sidekick.
And my whole life, I spent working on other people's dreams, and boosting other people's dreams, and all of a sudden, all the pieces came together. And then I said, Okay, I'm going to start sticking my neck out for what I believe in. And that was 2019. I'm still coaching people, I'm still got VIP clients and a very high level. But I still hadn't found my groove, right. So I'm like, Alright, I'm gonna stick my neck out, I'm going to be that tall, Poppy in 2019. I just got it lopped off 24 ways till Sunday, all the time, mostly because I had taken on a big corporate client, it was a toxic culture, and I got let myself get sucked in. That's the worst. So the worst and you forget who you are, because all of a sudden, you're swimming in the same water as those people and in a become a fish like that. Yeah, so toxic and exhausting. And I was crying myself to sleep at night, all while on the outside, everything was hunky dory. And I was making a huge difference for my clients. But I wasn't sleeping and I was upset and data. So then fast forward 2020 hits, I lose the client, which was a godsend, because I lost 80% of my business. And I thought, you know what, there are so many women out there like me, who are successful on the outside, but don't feel like it on the inside. They've got to have imposter syndrome, the way that I do. And I began studying and researching. And that's why I became an expert in it. Because what I want to be able to do all those powerful women in those leadership positions, I want them to feel as powerful as they are and feel as successful on the inside, as they do on the outside. That's amazing. Like, it's such a journey. But what's so, so real is that you were six, you know, six years. And then also, before we started recording, you were telling me about someone that also was living alive, if you don't mind sharing the story, because I think it's really impactful. And for all of you that are listening, like, please stop multitasking and like listen to this story. Because I feel like that really did resonate with me when you said that I'm like, Ah, that kind of makes sense. If you can share. Absolutely, I'll share too because I what I want people to understand is none of these events are traumatic or dramatic. What happens is the brains job is to keep the thing it's a brain of alive, which is us. So the brains always determining risk and wondering whether you're gonna get eaten, or you can eat that thing. Right? So the reason why you and I are talking and cable and booga booga booga is in here. She got eaten. She didn't do so well. So when the but the brain can't discern between real threat or imagined threat. So this one of my clients who's a very prominent, gifted lawyer, really successful litigator, she's 910 years old. She's in her friend's house reading a story after school to her friend's little sister. Over here is the friend's mom, and she was having difficulty she didn't know why later on. She was diagnosed with dyslexia. But at the time, she didn't know she had been diagnosed, having difficulty pronouncing words. She overhears her friend's mother say, Oh, my gosh, what is she stupid. She doesn't know what she's doing. So awful. so awful. So rude. But in that moment, she internalized that. She was so embarrassed. She never wanted to feel that embarrassment again. So she decided I've got to be cautious. I've got to hide. I've got to know exactly what I'm going to say before I say it. I am not going to say the hard things because I don't want it to be used against me because truly, at the end of the day, she didn't ever want to feel that embarrassment again. And I literally just got off the phone with her before this podcast where we discerned this thing. So she has a 39 and she has a 10 year old running her company. And she's she's asked to speak in her area of law like on panels and keynotes and she constantly has this experience.
About a hand gripping around her throat. And I said to her, I said, You gave your voice away, gave your voice to that woman's mother.
And she, oh my god. So now what she can do is start to notice when she has that experience of that grip Enos around her throat, she feels dry in the back of her mouth. And I said, when you get up to speak, when you want to go speak on a panel, do you have that same experience? Yep. So now we're in the midst of figuring out the triggers and the trip wires and the red flags. And then we're going to look at how does she want to show up and what are what we're doing is rewiring her Brain, Brain neuroscience to this whole shenanigan all these shenanigans. That's why those tips and tricks don't work. Because you still have the same old brain pattern that you're stuck with. And you haven't identified it and disrupted it.
It's like I like to call it I'm like potty trained the brain because I like to make everything funny. But it really is nerves. Like, and it's, it's, it's so important to like dig into it. So you can fix it. Because there are ways where there's a lot of things in life that you can't fix people. But you can address this, and you can fix this. So I do want to ask you, like, Why do successful women like often credit their success to like their connections, and they're like some other external factor when really like I used to, I can relate to this, because I had a coach once that said,
we were doing a video which y'all some of these pictures.
So jinzun pictures, like the cutest fun picture ever, is like I can just tell she's a fun person. And so but I remember back when I was doing a photo shoot in a video shoot. And
I, they were trying to make it like all about me, like all these amazing, multimillion million dollar events and weddings, and they wanted to get me walking into these events, like four days, four weekends in a row. And like me, hugging the client and then loving it. And I'm like, I don't really like that at all. Because this is not about me, this is something we're doing for the client. And then it's also about like the 45 plus vendor companies and partners that we have. And then they all have their teams and like it usually takes two to 300 hands to set up and break down our events like this is not about me. And so the coach that I worked with, after we like got through the day, he's like, you have to stop that. Because you have these design ideas, you have the psychology, you're the you're the magician behind the curtain, like making all this stuff, communicating with everybody. He's like, you've got to learn to give yourself more credit and more grace, like I know, you don't want it to be about you. But this following that you've built on social media, like they do want to know about you. And like I did find it for a very long time. I'm like, I'm not going to show stories. I'm not going to let people into my personal life. My sister didn't want kids on social media. And then like I started to come along a little bit more. And now like, I'm a completely different person, because I have worked on that. And I have noticed and people talk about it. It's like, oh, how are your dogs? How are the kids like, because they see them on stories, not a whole lot. But it's important for people to know that you're a real person. And that's what I was losing is making myself look like a robot because I looked like I wasn't a real person. And I was selling this perfection thing, which is so not me, like I'll fall and fail fast and laugh at myself and learn from it and get back up and like do something again. And so I can completely relate to that. But in your experience, like why do the women do that? Because like, I had to work on it. It's it's hard. What the hell do we do that? Well, I would say a couple things. One is it doesn't have to be hard. Are you willing to work with me here while we're recording? Totally, totally. Alright. What's the earliest memory you have of being the center of attention? And it didn't work out?
Um, well, I was a kid. I was a competitive gymnast. I twirled the baton. I was very much a performer in front of everybody.
And there there were pageants and things that I was in, and I didn't, if I did, but here's the thing if I didn't when I was never upset because my parents groomed me to give me praise No matter if I won or not. And my mother taught me that we are to be happy for the for the winner. And so I was really instilled in that so not that it really affected me. I can't really think of a time where I was just so heartbroken that I didn't win. Because my mom was such a proponent of being excited for the winner, which I think that took the competitiveness out of me. Yeah, and it doesn't have to be that you're heartbroken if we were working together. What I would tell you to do is to we do some work on the phone on that
Have you go right write out a story. But see, it doesn't have to be you were so heartbroken. It can be something so simple and so innocuous that happens, you know, with imposter syndrome because it all goes back to that. We all have an originating story. As far as I can tell, I've been coaching people, 23 years, we have like three to five core stories that keep popping up, keep popping up, keep popping up, like, I don't know, mole, what is the whack a mole, lack of moles, right that you have to keep whacking on. And so with. I had a client, for example, who's a very accomplished CEO, had risen up to the top of our ranks, but was really unhappy, ready to leave her job. used to love her boss now hated her boss. Well, when she was nine years old, she brought a C home on a report card. And her dad said, What's up with the C? She's like, Dad, it's average. And he goes, give me 1500 words, on average. It wasn't mean or cruel, but that's what he said. And she was again embarrassed, ashamed, felt guilty. She's got to get everything right, kind of get it right. Gotta get it right. Gotta get it right. Got to get it right. That's your superpower, too. She's really good at getting things done and done well, and that's what people rely on her for. But it sucks to work for her. Because she's not only a perfectionist, she expects other people to do things perfectly the first time too, and has no grace or space for herself for others. So, you know when imposter syndrome where the imposter phenomenon because a syndrome is a medical diagnosis. And that's not real. It's not a medical diagnosis. But this whole notion and the imposter phenomenon came about in the 70s by two researchers. And then Dr. Valerie young, who has a great, great book that came out in early well around the mid 2000s, or late 2000s.
And I'll give you the link so you can put it in the comments.
Yeah, it's it's literally I can envision the jacket cover and I can't remember the name of the book. But she really broke down imposter syndrome into five archetypes, the perfectionist, you got to get it right the first time you set impossibly high standards for yourself and ruminate about it for days when you don't get it right. You micromanage people, the soloist you don't like delegating, you'll do it yourself, you'll get it right yourself, you're not going to trust anybody else to help you out. The expert, somebody who goes after degree after degree after degree and never knows enough to be in the room. That was my client that I was speaking about earlier. Because she was embarrassed at that moment, always wanted to have the right answers. And so she went after a major degree, and is always thinking she's not up to snuff. To be an expert on a panel. Most experts shy away from being called the expert, a Superman or woman whose whole notion of success is based on how much they work, not the kind of work they do. And then my particular flavor. And you can have a little bit of this and a little bit of that. But my particular flavor was what's called the natural genius, things came really easy to me, school came really easy. things came easy. So when things are hard, I tend to shy away from them. Or, and this is what I noticed about myself, if I can't see the way to go from point A to point B, clearly I procrastinate till the last minute.
Interesting. So we all have some flavor. And the key is getting back to the origin of it. There's some point where something happened, Angela, and again, it doesn't have to be you're heartbroken because you lost. It might have been you know, you watch another child have a tantrum because they didn't win. And you said to your and everybody was looking at them, and you saw that other kid? embarrassed. You're like, Oh my god, I don't want to be like them.
That's Yes, that's probably because, exactly. I didn't mean to interrupt you. But I'm like, it can so vividly remember, like, watching how other people reacted. And I was like, That's such a negative thing. Like, can't we be happy? Like I really did grow up like in a Little House on the Prairie Home where it's like, we're all going to get along. And we're going to go to the library and we're going to read and we didn't have TV. And it was almost like a shock to me when I went to college. And I was I was telling my parents I'm like, thanks for like sheltering the shit out of me. Because I was so fucking shocked. I'm like, oh, man, I mean, people are crazy. And then but this is the whole reason I went into the mental health field is because I loved people and I genuinely wanted to help them. And I think one of the things that like shattered my excitement is because my first year in working in mental health, you know, you guys know this when you study it in school, in the books and then you get into real life. It's like totally different. And because I was raised with that mindset of you, you give and my mom is such a giver, and you donate and you if you don't wear those clothes for six months, like you donate, you give things away, you help others. My parents were very involved in the Catholic Diocese, and so you're always like giving gifts
Giving, which now that we're like talking through it, even as an entrepreneur, like I was giving so much, which in the first two years, I was actually building an audience, I didn't realize what I had done until a coach or a mentor I was working with. And he's like, if you start trying to sell products to the people that you have built and been talking to you for two years, it's likely they're not going to buy because you've never asked them for anything. You've never asked them for their email. You've never asked him for their phone number. You've never asked anything. You're constantly giving, giving, giving, which all came from my childhood. Now I'm not like, like, Oh my God, why didn't you do that? But my parents were not entrepreneurs, they but they, just because it made my mom it's still to this day, my mom feels so fulfilled when she gives back and gives back. And I have found that a lot of times people like that their happiness goes by the wayside just so they can make other people happy. Is that kind of like what imposter syndrome is like, is that yes, ma'am. Okay, yes, ma'am. You know why? Because I was that people pleaser to Okay, I did so much to help other people and to never knew what I wanted, you know, pixelate and I had some major surgery and my best friend came to stay with me and my other girlfriends, you know, girls wanted to stop by and this is way pre COVID and want to step by make sure it was okay. And she finally said to me, give me your phone. You've got to stop saying yes to people, and she would say what do you need? And I couldn't tell her and she's a mom and a teacher. So she'd start Well, what about this? What about that? What about unfound? I had to say to her, I don't know. Yeah, I honestly don't know because I've been so focused on everybody else. And as entrepreneurs, you're right, that is an Achilles heel of ours because you know what we do have things to sell and I'm gonna say the dirty word sell. Yes, we do have things to sell products offering coaching that are of great value and if we don't sell them, but I'm not saying be salesy. Sell a story stories sell. You know, yep, being salesy doesn't hate that shit. I hate when people troll me on LinkedIn, like, hey, you're a coach. I'm in a coaching field, too. And I would love to connect, I have the thing for you to have high ticket clients, all you need to do is plop down a credit card and give me $1,000. Are you off your rocker? Exactly.
And you got to know you can do it your way. You don't have to be like everybody else. And I think that's the other
side effect of imposter syndrome is we're always trying to be like other people fit into other people's idea of who we should be fit into some other mold. You know, what, do it your way, because when you're doing it your way, just like you did, you found your way. People are attracted to you. People want to be around you because they can't put their finger on it. But it's because you're being authentic. And that's an overused word. But you're a straight talker. Yeah, that's, that's why people are attracted to you. That's why people are attracted to me, because we're no BS, right? What you see is what you get. If you don't like me, it's cool. But I'm not going to I had some time, once Angela, email me and say, you know, I really think you shouldn't talk about x in your emails anymore. I'm like, Oh, I really think you should unsubscribe from my email list. I love it.
Have a nice day, I'll pray for you. You know, just like,
for you. Yep. And that's so like my mother talking because she, I mean, she just think it's just like, you could murder 50 million people and then go to confession, you're still gonna get into heaven, and you're not gonna burn in hell. And, you know, she is very nice when she sees the good and everything. And I'm, I mean, I've wonderful mother. But at the same time, I had to go surround myself with other entrepreneurs, and people and coaches and mentors, that could teach me the ways of actually how to do what I love. And still, you know, we have lots of free things and lots of lead magnets and lots of videos. But if you really want the the secret sauce, and if you really want to experience and get the results, I mean, you have to hire me or you like, but you're gonna have to get an expert, somebody that knows what the hell they're doing. They have the strategy, they have the framework, they can guide you, they can coach you, or how you can outsource and they can do it for you. It's some some companies do that. But that's how I got the real results is finding the people and wait, but the crazy thing is that coach was right. And so when I did my first little, my little audio, or it was a I think it was an E book and it was 10 not like 10 bucks, no one bought it. And he's like, I'm telling you, like you're gonna have to restructure and like we need to actually have like an email list and sales funnels, and, you know, thankfully, it was like brought into that world. And, you know, it just seemed like I had wasted two years of my life with content, talking and trying to help people. But then when I realized is the people that really do want the help, who are ready to invest in them.
selves, they remember you and those, it's a small percentage, but they will come back, like when they're ready. So, all of that, like you were saying,
I think you're saying some of those stories and like, it makes me think of story brain and Dane and like Donald Miller and yeah, his book and going through, like the whole thing of give, give, give, like give value, give something before you ask for something. But on that fourth time, you better bet your bottom that you ask for an email or a phone number or something in return. Because if you're giving value, but you're not getting the value back, like, that's kind of a problem for future growth. At least that's what I experienced. But I do have a question, what's the difference between? Okay, so this is like helping me understand imposter syndrome a little bit more, but like, what's the difference between that and like, a high achiever? Because there is a difference, I'm sure. Well, I mean, that what we find and this is the other reason I say that imposter syndrome is your superpower, as well,
with people who are high achievers that set really lofty goals for themselves. And I will say to people, if you don't have imposter syndrome, you are not playing a big enough game.
So when we're high achievers, we set this bar really high for ourselves, but the higher the bar, we set it, the more the doubt to rise and a lot of ways at the same time. Right? So it's very distinct high achievers suffer from imposter syndrome. You could say,
a high achiever is somebody who wants to be successful, right? Go for it create be hags, big, hairy, audacious goals. And there's always something that's going to be our Nemesis to trip us up. And imposter syndrome is just one way to talk about it. I feel like no, it's one sort of doorway into getting our hands around the leg leavers and the dials levers and the dials however you say that of who we are. You know, if I if you and I were in a car that broke down, I don't know about you, but if I popped the hood, I would not know what to do. I know where that oil goes. And the windshield washer fluid but I'm not gonna be like so is that Jimmy Jam and the jam drum drum. Right? You know, somebody else my friend whenever I have a car thing I call my friend Dave and he like helped me change my spark plugs. He helped me flesh my coolant. He made me watch YouTube videos. And he coached me through I have to call David David, what is the Jimmy Jam and the Jim Jim jus know that Jeff jobs in the Georgia Oh, I get it cuz he has powered facility with what's under the hood. So I think when people are able to distinguish their originating incident, and I love that you said I bet that was when I saw someone else,
you know, throw a tantrum when they didn't win, because you never wanted to be like them that all the sudden, you can see. See that you are not really being yourself, either. Because you're being something you don't want to be. Gotcha, you get what I'm saying? Rather than being who you really are. And for a lot of people, when I say well, who do you want to be they're like, I don't know, just not like this. Mm hmm. And so we work on really identifying who they want to be how they want to show up in real time.
It just will. And also to, it's like, I would never act like that. Because that's not how I was raised. like to be a poor loser, I really wasn't. So it's not that I would do that. But like you just said, I know that I would never want to be that way and also to like, being around a lot of different entrepreneurs and a lot of different personalities and a lot of different leaders and watching
and also working in some very, very high stress situations in luxury events. And people are spending a million plus dollars on something and behind the scenes. You know, I'm like a solutions girl, I'm like, okay, that's fine. You just broke all the mirrors, that's fine. Like, there has to be a hobby lobby or we're just gonna have to not use them like,
and, and in really stressful situations. I've watched a lot of leaders like the bad comes out because they react in a way where they were never taught how to create solutions. And that is one thing that I'm very thankful for, that my parents did teach me at a very young age, like, okay, you fail, get back up. It's no big deal. Let's keep going. And the more you practice something, the better you're going to get at and I'm very thankful for that because it really has turned me into Not that I love being in those high stress situations. I don't exactly thrive off of it, but I know that I'm good at making those decisions. We were at a 500 person event, an outdoor event and I hate outdoor events because I can't I'm not God. I can't control the
Whether swamp gambling, outdoor events. This was, I don't know two June's ago. It's actually the last outdoor event we've done and I told God, okay, I hear you. I'm not doing any more outdoor events because I'm allergic to grass and allergies and pollen, and it really does kind of make me sick, and like for real and then have to stock up on medication. But anyway, there was a horrible tornado that came through in a rain cell, which I don't know what the hell that was at Google it. There were it was awful. And we had 500 people coming. And everyone like I had hundreds of catering staff, all these people. And they're like, Where should we go? Should we get in the barn? Should we get under the tent? And I'm like, no, that you if lightning strikes the metal in my head. I'm just like, are you a fucking idiot? No, but I would never say that.
It's like, I don't want to make people feel bad. I'm like, they just don't know what they don't know. I'm like, No, everyone, like, there's no metal in the barn. As many of you that can get in the barn, there was a storm room. But it's like all these people in this like, what the house is about to hit and happen. They're all looking at me because I was the planner. And so you know, in go mode, I'm like, okay, y'all go here. Y'all go here. I'm like everybody all hands on deck, take all the flowers down, put them underneath the tables, take all the chairs down, put all the chairs, fold them up, put them on top of the table. So the linens don't fly away. I'm like, take everything tall. Take all the glass off of all of these beautiful tall stands and lay the stands down because it was all breakable stuff. So it's like walking around this tent telling people like kind of barking out orders because you know, I had a weatherman who was friends with the bride. And he was like, you've got 13 minutes, I felt like I was on a fucking game show. Like, how quickly can you get all of that, you know, I'm just like, oh my god, this is crazy. And an hour later it passed through somehow we the client got on Facebook, because we had a private Facebook group for like all these guests and their hometown. And we moved the wedding back to our I mean, it all went off after the rain. So like you would never have known in the photos and videos, the madness that was created before those guests showed up. It was psychotic. And I'm not a crier, and I just I don't even think about these things. But that night at 3am when we finished a three a setup for 500 plus people. And that was super stressful. I got in my car. And two of the girls were run with me because it was a destination when we're also at a town at that. And we're gonna and I just cry. I mean, I've never cried so hard. I'm like, I cannot believe what we just went through. And it freaked them out. Because they never see me like that. I'm like, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. It's too stressful. The amount of people that were looking at me to make decisions, when all I'm like, we're all adults, like, Can you guys not think a little bit for you. It's like, I literally felt like I had no help. But it's like when something's on fire. Who it's like the doctors and the nurses like when they when you see a wreck, it's like their instinct, I'm going to pull over, I'm going to do CPR, I'm going to help. But I had to realize, like, not everybody is like that. And that's okay. But when you have that much money invested in that many people, I didn't, I don't ever want to feel responsible, and the stress of it ever again in my life. And so my girls are like, Can we get you saying that on video, like,
before, you know, and then they recall, like when I'm saying it and but like i and that's when I'm like, you know, and then COVID hit and all this other stuff happens. So it's like naturally, it you know, removing things where it's like, but I wanted to say yes, because when you love a client, you love a family and you know, you can help. But like I know how stressful in the crate. And that's just one crazy situate the most recent crazy situation that we've been in. But I just I bring all this up, because I did have to realize that not everyone can make those really stressful decisions and like a stressful situation. And I asked my team and like, was everybody looking at me because I'm a control freak, because I was the planner, and I'd hired all these people like, why was everyone asking me and they had to, you know, help me understand. Not everyone is going to be like a solutions person. But like that's actually that is one of my superpowers that we need to make a decision we need to have the solution. Not that it's always the right one. And trust me a lot of my ideas are not good ideas, but under pressure. When I am under pressure like typically we have we had you have to make and go and not second guess yourself. So I just wonder like when you bring up the different types of people that that we were talking about a few minutes ago, like
how do you know like a percentage of people in the world that are like those solution people and then the people that don't take on that stress because like their brain isn't wired that way. I'm just I'm fascinated by like all the psychology of it. Yeah, I don't have
A percentage, but I can tell you, you know, I've coached upwards somewhere between eight and 10,000 people. And there's not one person I've ever met that doesn't have some form of imposter syndrome. And when it comes to the solution people see here's the other thing to know is that whatever type of person you are, you definitely you learn that from your parents. pick yourself up. If you don't do well, you're going to learn what's interesting for me and listening to share about that. As a kid things came so naturally and I was I was a natural at so many things. When it was hard I gave up and my parents never pushed me to keep going.
So there's a lot of things that I didn't do because I wasn't getting that outside push. They were just kind of look at me and go, Well, do you want to do it anymore? No, not really. Okay.
Okay, that's okay.
Now and so that had me wind up being the way that I was right and as you wind up being the way that you are, I don't know that there's a percentage out there I'm now I'm a solutions person to only because I was in politics for so long. And you know, if the shits hitting the fan, you better have a response and look calm, cool and collected, yeah, responding, whether the candidates going off or whether you know, their opponent is going off or what have you, but you have got to have your act together. And then definitely, I've had moments when I have not been gracious at all and have you know, I stuck my foot in my mouth and not done things very diplomatically. And then there's the other side of it, where I've really gone above and beyond, and sometimes it takes something and sometimes it just feels natural because I have been doing the work for so long. And same with you you know, you've done that work for so long. of being the solution person. I was always that way to know if something was happening. Look, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna do XYZ PDQ don't question we don't have much time, just go do this, trust me, kind of thing. So you have a program and y'all like, you've got to go download download like this, the your your free webinar, which is awesome. Like, your website's amazing. You have so many great resources, but at the very top y'all go download? Because it's really good. I'm gonna watch it tonight. But like, how? How can we go about like, because it is mindset? And how can we, what's the first thing that you can tell people, like, let's change your mindset, so that we are not second guessing ourselves kind of thing. Yeah, so there's there's two different things at the top of my website is a free webinar that's going to be live. But you can get the replay on Thursday, February 25, at 2pm, called stop playing small, four steps to design the life you deserve. And in that webinar, I am going to coach people to identify the main pattern that keeps them stuck. And then give give you a really simple tool to disrupt that pattern right then for the rest of your life. I will be coaching people, giving people techniques to release the limiting views that zap their energy, and confidence and create new practices that they can integrate into their day to day life to keep people confident, focused and excited. I want people waking up stoked about going to work that day stoked about facing their day. And we don't always wake up that way. And it's not like this is an episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show or Leave it to Beaver, we can't always wake up that way. But what if you had the tools to get back in the saddle that would make a difference. So at the top of my website, you can register for that webinar, the live is February 25, at 2pm. If you can't make it live, you can definitely get the replay. And that webinar and then I and then I'm launching a really terrific group coaching program that's going to be happening starting in March where I took all of my best coaching techniques and structures that I would use as the foundation for my clients into an eight week course. And it's a two page workbook. Yeah, it was fun. It was really fun. Because I challenged myself I'm like, Okay, well, you're you're and one of my clients laughed. She goes, Can Can you just put a box of books together for each of us? Because you tell us to read the same books, which I do. And I'm trying to figure out okay, like, how do I find somebody that can do that for me? Because I don't have time to do that shit. Yeah, but I think it's really a great idea. I want to get it done. No, I said to myself, I want to distill all this into eight weeks, some some live q&a, a couple of people got a couple of one on one coaching sessions with me, private, as well as some video and this 80 page workbook. And we're going to be off to the races. And the start is this webinar on the 25th because you are going to identify that main pattern, that brain pattern that has kept you stuck and unlock that sucker. And then and then we're going to go off to the races from there. So definitely join me it's just at the top of my web.
You can't download it tonight. But you can sign up, either be on live or then watch the replay. Okay, Okay, awesome. Awesome. I love it. I'm so excited for you. And I'm so excited because you're gonna change so many people's lives and businesses to this is such important work. I'm so excited. And also, if you scroll down to that first page, I think way down at the bottom, there's a quiz you can take on imposter syndrome. Yeah. And also next question, how Yeah, that is quiz. They can take this click on that link. Or you can go to Gen kochen quiz, comm JNCO ke n quiz calm and take the quiz, it'll give you some insight and to your flavor of imposter syndrome. And if people want to learn how to turn their imposter syndrome into their superpower, they can grab a call with me. And if quizzes aren't your thing, I wrote an ebook, a little ebook that's free that you can learn more about the different types on there. And I also have a webinar on my website that you can watch a 45 Minute Webinar, I think it's 17 bucks super cheap, to go watch to learn more. And what I suggest if people want to go down that imposter syndrome route, right? Take the quiz, watch the webinar. And then I've got a three session coaching package. And we're going to transform your life and those three sessions. I love figuring out how to do what I do in a shorter, more powerful length of time. Because we can manage our money we can we can manage our mind for the rest of our lives. But I'm going to be exhausted, you're going to be exhausted. And there's only one time we don't manage our mind. That's when we die. Yeah. And then they put us in the ground. They throw dirt in our face, and our friends go to Denny's or someplace to eat. You get some pie, lemon meringue pie, because that's my favorite gym in Colorado where I used to live with a smile. Hi, marang. And they talk about chat. So don't wait. Don't waste time managing your mind come to the webinar on the 25th or go down if if you're like oh, imposter syndrome. I got to know more about that. Then go down that route with the quiz and everything. You'll get some emails after that to kind of point you in the right direction. I love it. This was so much fun. First off, and this was so helpful. I feel like I just got like a a coaching session with you on the podcast. You did? Yeah, I mean, it was just I'm like I just got done like with a therapy session. Just it just it helps talking it through. And like navigating some of the thoughts because honestly, I don't really go back and think about the past. Like my mom brings it up all the time. And I'm like, Mom, really I just need to move forward. But it's so important, like you said to really hone in on what was the story? What happened? What was the situation, and then how to identify it so you can actually learn from it and become better. So going back in the past, you know, isn't always a bad thing. So no, exactly. Exactly. And we just want to unlock that brain pattern. What I tell people is the truth may set you free, but it's gonna piss you off first. So most people when they figure out where their imposter syndrome comes in, they're like, Mike, how you doing? I'm so mad. What a waste of time. I'm like, Yeah, yeah, it'll piss you off first. But let's not waste any more time. Let's because we the world's waiting for every gift. Everybody who listens to your podcast has to offer everybody's waiting for you. The only person in your way is you. So gather your dang way. Yeah, cut it out.
Get out of your way. This was super your way. Quit been sitting on the fence. Yeah, super helpful. What is your favorite platform if people want to connect with you on social? Oh, my gosh, LinkedIn. And then I also have a Facebook group that's public. And this is really my I just, I've been resisting Facebook groups for ever. And I literally launched it. Girl. Last thing I want to do is be got all up in social media more, but I decided it would be really fun because I love going live on video because I was a performer and a comedian. So I go live every Friday for Java with Jen to talk about and break down imposter syndrome and give you some positivity going into the weekend. And that is called, you know, turn your imposter syndrome into your superpower. So just look for that on Facebook, join the club, join the fine, everybody's welcome. It's gonna be a safe place, ask questions. I'll answer them on Fridays, that really is going to be my playground, LinkedIn. I feel like it's a little buttoned up. But it's important for me to be on that platform because all my SEO clients are on there. And my C suite level women are on there. But we have to have fun. If anyone works with me. You've got to be playful. You have to be willing to be a little irreverent. Otherwise we're not going to hang out.
Yeah, and I've learned like it's okay. You know, you're not for everybody. I'm not for everybody. Exactly. And you know that that's okay. So thank you so much, Jen for your time today. This was so amazing. So oh my gosh, thank you for all
That you do all that you provide all that you're given for being willing to open the kimono a little bit while we were on the podcast and contribute to you. You're just really gracious about that. And I appreciate you. Thank you so much, and everybody that's listening. Thank you so much for your time. I know that you were gonna walk away with lots of nuggets, please reach out to Jin, sign up for her webinar. And if I just I want to, like continue this. It's like, I want people to tell me like how has this really impacted their lives? Because like, I can't wait to talk to my mom tonight and be like, Oh my God, this lady Jen. They're like,
like, like comments. So like, we post a lot on Instagram. We post all of our podcasts or like, I would love for you guys to comment and let me know like, what was your takeaway? Because this was a really, really amazing episode. So thank you so much. And everybody. Oh, you're welcome. Thank you so much. And be sure to tune in next week to another episode of business unveiled by Yo, what's up GST leaders thank you so much for tuning in. And I would love for you to text me your number one takeaway, any feedback that you have, and we're also starting a new series called The number one time suck how you can be more productive and GSD and everyday life so you can be present. So if you can help us out and let me know just text me your number one time sub 6155 to 78755. Let's get shit done.

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Published: May 27, 2021

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