Bridesmaid duties vary from party to party, but no matter what, deciding who will be the members of your ultimate wedding squad is quite the process. For some, bridesmaids were picked and ready to go years before she even said “I do.” For others, a lot of different factors (location, availability, personality characteristics) went into the decision making for who they wanted to standing next to them at the altar.

What happens once you move along with the wedding planning, only to find out that a bridesmaid (or two) seem too busy to attend your pre-wedding events like your one-time-only bachelorette party, your mid-weekend bridal brunch or your engagement celebration? Here are a few ways to handle a busy bridesmaid.

Be Specific With Your Asks

It’s important to remember that your wedding may not be the biggest thing happening in your friend’s life. She might be studying for finals, working toward a big promotion at work or dealing with a handful of personal or family issues. If the wedding events seem too much for her to take on, be more specific with your asks. Instead of asking her to attend events that clash with her schedule, ask if she can come help with DIY projects, go with you dress shopping or do other wedding-related tasks. That way, if she can’t make the big pre-wedding events, she can still feel included in the wedding process and be by your side.

Distribute Tasks Between Other Bridesmaids

While your pre-wedding events are a time for celebration, they are also a moment for your bridesmaids to step in and help if you need anything. Whether it’s last-minute set-up at the bridal shower, help making reservations for the bachelorette party or just keeping you sane at the engagement party when your and your fiancé’s families meet for the first time—with one less bridesmaid around, it’s important to distribute and delegate tasks between the group.

Have a Chat With Her ASAP

You may be quick to take your bridesmaid’s absence personally, but instead of getting upset that she can’t make it to some of the most important events of your wedding, have a chat with her. Find out what’s going on in her life and see how you can make her feel a part of the wedding experience without the added pressure of being there in person before the actual day.

This article was written by Jen Glantz for Brides.com.
Photo: Kristin Vanzant Photography