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THAIS GIBSON BUSINESS UNVEILED

How to Use Psychology in Your Business

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How to Use Psychology in Your Business

Your life experiences have a huge effect on your subconscious mind, this effects everything from your personal relationships to how you operate your business. Today I am chatting with Thais Gibson, Co-owner and creator of Personal Development School all about how to transform your business through therapeutic techniques.

MAIN TOPICS
  • Integrated Attachment Theory
  • The Subconscious Mind 
  • Self Sabotage
KEY TAKEAWAYS

The importance of the subconscious mind in the role of change 

Self-Compassion and humanizing the self

 

How our attachment style impacts all relationships in our lives 

MORE ABOUT OUR GUEST

Thais is a personal development expert, author, and teacher who has worked with thousands of clients across the globe to help them transform their life, relationships, and overcome substantial challenges. She is certified in over 13 different therapeutic techniques, including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Neuro-linguistic Programming, Hypnosis, Somatic Experiencing and more. She has created and tested cutting-edge approaches to healing all areas of our life that are truly long-lasting and results-oriented. This is because she recognizes that for real change to exist, it must take place at the subconscious level.

EPISODE TRANSCRIBED

I'm so excited to talk with our guest today because we have a lot in common. I was actually watching some of her videos the other day. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, like Yes, yes, somebody is saying this out loud. Like, we need to talk about these things. And so and it couldn't be a more timely manner to interview this person. And so we're going to be talking with Thais Gibson, she's the CO owner and creator of are you ready personal development school. And if you're a new entrepreneur, you might not know or even feel or understand that personal development is the most important thing that makes your passion and your energy and your drive like go like the little Engine That Could right. And so we're gonna be talking about something that needs to be talked about, okay. And so she is a personal development expert. She's an author, she's a teacher, she's worked with thousands of clients across the globe, but to help them really transform their life.Continue Reading

 And you know what, when you transform your life, you transform your relationships, your business, you really overcome these sustainable challenges that you can move forward with. She's also certified in over 13. That's a lot different therapeutic techniques, including cognitive behavior therapy, neuro linguistic programming, hypnosis, somatic experiencing, the more and listen, y'all if you don't know what any of that stuff is, it's okay. Because if I didn't go to school, for what I went to school, for, I wouldn't know what any of that stuff meant. So you gotta stick around and learn some of these things. And she's created and tested cutting edge approaches to healing all areas of your life that are truly, truly long lasting. And guess what results and that's what we need to get these days. They're results oriented. And again, that's what we need. So this is because she really recognizes that the real change to exist, it must take place at the subconscious level. So like, I totally geek out on all of this stuff. So taste Welcome to the show. Thank you for being here.
Thank you so much for having me. It's so exciting to be here with you today.
Oh my gosh. It's like I have so many Questions. But
before I start, like in on, how did you, like, get into all this stuff? Take us back and let us know. Like, I know you're from Canada, and you went to school in the US, but take us down that journey. Like, where did you grow up? How did you get to where you are today in your journey? Yeah, so
I yet born and raised in Toronto, and then I think I grew up in and, you know, my parents definitely had a lot of challenges in their relationship. And that led to a whole bunch of, you know, exposure to experiences that were probably a little overwhelming for me at a at a young age. And I think I didn't really know how to properly emotionally process a lot of what was happening and a lot of sort of the chaos and, and stuff that was going on in my home. So I think it kind of sent me out on a quest that at a very young age of trying to understand human behavior and why people do the things they do and what leads to anger and, and, you know, stress and all these different things. And at the same time that there was definitely a lot of stuff, I wasn't properly emotionally processing as an individual and being able to make sense up until I was sort of sponging up and storing. And I think storing is a lot of pain. And so I was an athlete and playing division one soccer, and that's what took me to the US on a scholarship and everything. But prior to that point, I had a knee surgery in in my sophomore year of high school, and, and I ended up becoming addicted to the painkillers I was taking afterwards and just like seeking them out when I wasn't getting them prescribed any longer and really went on to have this like personal battle with addiction for for about seven years. And that sort of set me on fire to try to understand things even more, because I didn't want to be like that. And I was like, Oh my goodness, like what's happening to me I was I'm like this athlete, and this good student and all and all of a sudden, this was really taking hold of me. And I think a lot of it was unprocessed trauma that was stored at my subconscious level. And then you know, painkillers, sort of numb your emotions. And it's like a great way to escape pain that we might be carrying in our psyche throughout the day. And so that sort of was a big, you know, turning point for me in terms of while like really, really wanting to understand the mind. And I was pretty high functioning. And I did end up going to school and, and all these different things. But I wasn't until I had somebody in one of my classes actually say to me, all the conscious mind can't outwell or overpower the subconscious mind, then it made everything makes so much sense because, you know, between 14 or 15 years old, and this time when I heard this, I had been like, you know, trying to journal every night and research independently, because I would on a daily basis be like this is the last time I'm not going to do this again, I'm not going to, you know, seek these things out any longer. I'm not going to and I would tell myself over and over again. I'm not going to do this. And then I would always feel like I was losing this battle in the relationship to myself where it was like, and then sure enough, three hours later, I'm back at it. And it was like this very tormenting experience. And I think something I felt really alone in because you know, who's, who's going through painkiller addictions at 15 years old that you know, like, there's really not that many people, right. And so it's when I heard that I like realized, oh, my goodness, you're describing this war within myself, the conscious mind and the subconscious mind. And so it really opened me up to trying to understand everything I could about the subconscious. And what I realized is that if you really want change to take place, you have to engage the subconscious mind in the process. And if you don't, it like my my friend had said, like your conscious mind cannot will or overpower your subconscious mind. And so it sort of set me on this quest. I have tried inpatient rehab, outpatient rehab, I tried therapy, I tried all these things from about the age of 15 to 21. And as soon as I heard that, things started to change in a matter of months. And so that took me down a path of doing a master's degree in transpersonal. Psychology was just sort of a different, not so mainstream form of psychology and then doing all these different certifications, largely that incorporated the subconscious mind in the process to really try to make sense of like, you know, what's happening beneath the surface of things, we don't see the things that we're not traditionally taught about in the field of psychology, at least not enough So in my opinion, and that healed me and then that really sort of I started doing workshops and random practice for the better part of a decade and then you know, realized why I have these like two year long waiting lists to see clients and that's not really helping people. And so that's what led me to develop the school where there was more access to this information.
Okay, so everything you just said, I love it because You know, it's like, it's one thing to go to school for something. But it's another thing to actually experience it, and then go through it yourself overcome it, which I think makes you so much more passionate about helping other people because you know that you can change them, like, you know that because you've done it to yourself. So I love how you take in your personal experiences, and then turned them into, I mean, my gosh, you've changed thousands of people and probably saved a lot of lives along the way. And, I mean, I grew up, my dad was an undercover drug calm, my brother, like works in like, followed in his footsteps. And so I'll never forget, when we were our dad got very sick years ago, and it felt like Vanderbilt, which is the hospital here, I felt like it was like a second home, like, I felt like we were in the ER all the time. And my brother would always, like, grow his facial hair out and like wear a ball cap, and we'd be in the ER, and he's like, you see that nurse over there. I've bought pills from them. And he's like, you see that person over there. And I've bought it. And I'm just like, this is crazy how people go from trying to have, you know, having a surgery. And then they I mean, there's so many people that it's so easy to like, get addicted to painkillers. And then if you're dealing, or at the time not dealing with something else emotionally, and like you said, it just kind of takes your feelings and pushes them down. But the fact that like, you came up, you dealt with them, you've overcome it, it's incredible. So it explains to me, I'm like, wow, like, she certified a lot of things. But like you're driven by your past experiences, which is fascinating. Thank you for sharing all of that.
Because then it was like, it's
not easy. You know, like, in the beginning, like sharing all this, it really isn't,
too. It's sort of like, you know, I think there's a lot of stuff in society where people try to show like their perfect version of themselves. And it doesn't sound really conducive, because we all have our struggles. And we all have our stuff. And I really believe in just, you know, putting it all out there and giving people hope accordingly if
it's possible. Absolutely. And so what I'm really interested in, though, is integrated attachment theory. And like you said, you went to inpatient rehab, you went to outpatient rehab, none of that stuff worked. But it seems like the first thing that actually started to really help you is understanding the subconscious mind. So does integrate. And again, I'm asking questions like, because probably, most people don't know about this. You know, I mean, again, I'm fascinated by it. But like, what does that mean? Like integrated attachment theory? Like, what is that? Yeah, so.
So it's based off of john Bowlby, his work on attachment theory and attachment theory was something developed decades ago. And it's this basically concept idea that we have certain rules through which we learn to attach to other people, and it's specifically our primary caregivers in early childhood. And everybody sort of has this subconscious set of rules. We've developed sort of the subconscious version with these different components. And and basically, we've gone on to recognize that, you know, when, so john Bowlby, his work basically talks about how children attached to their caregivers, and how it sort of impacts like their temperament and the way they act around other people and their adult lives and can have an impact on their romantic relationships. And we've sort of taken that and dug into that a little bit more, because I was originally seeing clients and developing a system of like, core wounds that people experience and subconscious needs they have. And what I realized is that john Bowlby, his work in traditional attachment theory, really paired with a lot of the work that I was doing in my in my private practice. And so basically, what integrated attachment theory teaches, is that the analogy that I like to get for this is it's like, everybody has this subconscious set of rules through which they attach to others, specifically in their romantic relationships, but also in their friendships and family relationships. And these rules are really like the the analogy I like is, if you're sitting down, you're playing a board game with somebody else, and you have a different rulebook that you're playing the board game through, you're going to have a lot of problems, right? Like you're going to be playing two different board games in a way. Right? Have, we all have this different subconscious set of rules that we play this like relationship game by, and when we don't realize that people have different attachment styles, and they have different rules according to that style? Then it gets really challenging to navigate our relationships and so integrated attachment theory breaks those things down into john Bowlby for sure. Additional attachment styles which are your secure your anxious preoccupied your fearful avoidant, and your dismissive avoidant, but it adds that, you know, attachment there doesn't just impact our temperament and the rules, it actually impacts the subconscious needs we have from our relationship, the expectations we have from others in a relationship, the ways basically, the strategies through which we give and receive love to others are different. And also the core wounds we have and the fears we have. And then the emotional patterns we carry into our relationships as well. So the way we tend to feel on a regular basis, people actually experience in pattern format. So it basically overlaps. It basically defines integrate attachment theory, your your set of rules through those five categories. And once we understand our patterns in those areas, and understand other people's patterns in those areas, it's so much easier to navigate a relationship because you're not constantly personalizing things, you're not constantly storytelling, you're not like Oh, so and so needs more space than I do. Because they don't care about me as much as I care about them, you're like, Oh, so and so needs more space than I do. Because they have a different set of needs in a relationship. And they regulate themselves emotionally in a different way. And so we get a lot of clarity that helps us to stop taking things personally, and also helps us to understand our own needs and the needs of others. So we can have foster more effective communication.
It's just it's so
rare, refreshing to hear someone else, like who understands like, the way that the mind works. And there's people that I know that I'm like, you just need to listen to this girl's video to like, learn to understand because it comes out in every way. Like in just like I study like the way people communicate and the way they need to be communicated with. But it This takes it like on a completely different level. And and I love that. So for people that don't know how to tap in to like the subconscious mind, like, and this is like an off the wall question. But would you tell them to like go get hypnotized first to like learn how to practice that?
You know? Or is that crazy? Question, I get this question all the time. So I actually stopped using hypnosis in my private practice, because I so hypnosis is only effective for a short period of time, unless it unless you're following it up with something called posthypnotic suggestions. And so so basically, I was like, oh, what you're doing is you're reprogramming your own subconscious mind after your session. And why not just teach people how to reprogram their subconscious mind from the beginning and give them the proper tools to access the proper resources in the proper understanding. And then through that they have the full empowerment to not be dependent on hypnosis, and to understand how to reprogram themselves. And so that's sort of my take on it nowadays is like I wouldn't, you know, sometimes see what a hypnosis session. And it's like, $400. And, you know, sometimes people sometimes it doesn't, and so, so, but then you follow it up with posthypnotic suggestions. And that's where like the gold is. And that's what you're taught when you go through your hypnosis, like certification process and stuff. And so, so, um, you know, it's, I was like, Well, why not just teach people how to reprogram themselves. And so I actually spent a lot of time shifting into that. And I saw that, that results for people were much more effective long term. And so we teach a lot of that in the school. And we teach people how to reprogram their attachment styles as well. And I don't know if it's helpful for your audience, because I just like speelde, about integrated attachment theory, but if it's helpful for me to to explain, like the different four attachment styles and see if yes, please, not, because I sort of enjoyed it. And I feel like I left it sort of, but yeah, people get super interested. So so the the four attachment styles if people are like trying to figure out what attachment style they are, and the different sort of needs and wounds associated with it. So number one, you have your secure, and the securely attached person, basically, in their childhood, learns that their feelings and their needs are worthy. And it's usually because if they cry they get consistently coddled or attended to, or if they express a need, that need is usually held space for, you know, they're soothed. Even if a parent's not going to meet the need, like the child's like, let me have candy at midnight, you know, the parent won't dismiss or diminish or make the child feel silly for having any adult at least negotiate or explain why that need is not able to be met. So basically, this child grows up to learn like, I'm inherently worthy my feelings and needs matter. And it's safe for me to express and that that provides a certain degree of self esteem, a certain degree of self worth, and sort of confidence going out into the world and connecting with other people and they feel like trust invulnerability are safe as well. And so that's where we're trying to get to. And most of us don't have that attachment style growing up nowadays. And so the three insecure attachment styles are at one end of the spectrum, there's your dismissive avoidance. And the dismissive. avoidant usually experiences some kind of emotional neglect in childhood. And it can even be like under the radar where they really nice parents and their physical needs are met. But there's not enough emotional connection, or availability or conversation being had in their household. And so this person usually grows up feeling like they want that emotional bond, but they associate that it's sort of been rejected over and over again. And so they learn to self soothe, they learn to not rely on others emotionally, and they grow up in their adult lives to usually be the people that you'll see who fear commitment, who, you know, don't want to be too vulnerable, who might like show up really well when it comes to like dating. But then when it comes to being more serious, they push people away, they close down. And it's not because they're just disinterested, it's usually because they have a lot of subconscious fear is being activated because of the vulnerability required to progress in a relationship. And so these people are sometimes hyper independence. Sometimes they're, you know, sort of workaholics they're, you know, they really focus on themselves and they will keep people at bay. And they usually end up in relationships with the anxious preoccupied or the fearful avoidant, so they tend to sort of attract each other and romantic dynamics for specific subconscious reasons. And so the other end of the spectrum is the anxious preoccupied individual. And this person tends to feel a lot of inconsistency in childhood. So the parents are emotionally available, but maybe they work a lot, or maybe there's periods of time where they're hot and cold. And so this child grows up to really fear abandonment, because they feel this inconsistency and it feels like that connection is being taken away over and over again, and that programs their subconscious mind. And so they often go out often their adult lives to really value connection and really fear losing it at the same time. And this manifested some sometimes seeming like clingy or needy in relationships or fearing being alone. And then you can imagine if you have, you know, that rulebook, and the dismissive avoidant rule book where you fear too much closeness and the other person is constantly hungry for closeness, you can imagine that that would create really challenging dynamics. And these things are quite common. And then right in the middle, or last attachment style is the fearful avoidance. And it's sometimes referred to as anxious avoidant or disorganized. And basically, this individual experiences the anxiety of the anxious preoccupied so they fear abandonment, they fear being alone. And they experienced the need to like keep a lot of space and push people away. And they also fear trusting and being vulnerable. And usually, it's because there's some kind of trust broken in their childhood, maybe a caregivers, an addict, maybe there's lots of fighting in the home, maybe, you know, the caregiver, somebody cheats, something where they experience in connection, a lot of trust wounds, but still some positive association. So it's like they want love, but they really fear it at the same time. And so they go in their adult lives to be the person who is like in the relationship going, come here, come here and get closer and then you get close and hug No, no, go away, go away. And they have this like push pull hot and cold sort of behavior, and usually big wounds around around trust. So hopefully everybody can sort of find themselves in there or find maybe their loved one or their partner because it has such a big role on our relationships. And it shows up in our workplace. It shows up in, in our family relationships and our friendships. And so it sort of hopefully helps for people to navigate and understand, at least at a high level a little bit better.
Oh my gosh, yes, this is it's fascinating. I just I feel like, you know, I think that even like my, I mean, I don't have real kids, but I have nieces and nephews that I spend a lot of time with. And I think that to even watching and paying attention to the way they act sometimes. And I'm like, I think the things I'm like, Oh my god, that is my sister made all over. Because she's almost six years younger than me. And then my brother is like 13 months behind her. And so we like as adults, like, I feel like some parents, they feel like, Oh, my kid is so young. Like they're not going to sense what's going on or they're not going to sense what's wrong. But what I'm hearing, and then like just also in my own personal experiences. It does matter. Like it doesn't matter how young your child is like they sense these things. And later as they grow up as an adult, especially if you don't deal with it, and you don't get help or counseling or whatever that may look Like it totally affects people as adults
100% 100%. And like you're so I love that you raise that point because kids are sponges and like the subconscious mind, really until the age of eight is basically in a state of hypnosis. It's super super suggestible because of the types of brainwaves it's producing So, so even though kids might not know how to like linguistically explain what's happening, or cognitively, you know, process, they are sponging all of the patterns in around them. And so these things, it's almost impacting them even more when they don't understand because they're just basically being downloaded. And so like you said, like, we think, Oh, no, no kids don't understand. And yeah, they might not be able to turn around and explain, you know, the way that a parent was just passively aggressive to the other and how the parents shut down. Like, they might not be able to explain that from like a prefrontal cortex logical, analytical point of view. But because they're not able to, it's almost imprinting, the more. And those patterns are basically being absorbed from what we're exposed to in early childhood.
It's crazy, because so my mother, does your mother keep everything from like, when you were like a baby.
A lot of things just go Yeah, like, definitely.
I mean, I'm not a hoarder. I mean, I, I take pictures of paper, and like, usually throw it away. But like, I just end and I move around a lot, because I get bored, right? But my mother keeps everything. And she like, pulls out this. When I was four, she like pulls out this handwritten report card of it was like a notebook paper. And the notebook paper is like so yellow. It's disgusting. But what it said was really cute. And so my preschool teacher like wrote down like, things that I was good at, and like, basically, like strengths and weaknesses, and all these things. And so my mom pulls it out a couple months ago. And she's like cleaning, you know, her chest out. And she's like, this is your four year old report card. And she's like, everything on here is so accurate about you, even as an adult. I mean, it was like, so scary spot on. And I'm like, the only thing in there was, she said that I like love to read, but like, I'm actually not a good reader. And I don't retain it. And so I'm better learning by Audible or videos. And so but I think the reason she put that is because my mother forced us to go to the library. I mean, we really nerd kids, she like set, sat in the library with us, I mean, more than two days a week. And my mother loves to read. So you know, she, like tried to push that on all the kids. But like, actually, I'm not a good reader. But everything else was very spot on. And it was almost scary. And so like, people pay attention to your three and four year olds, like, you could be shaping them into how they act as an adult. So yeah, stop starting.
I love that. I love it. It's those patterns fade the entire time. Like, how interesting is that? And I find which is so I would like to have a whole bunch of like theories behind this. But I've definitely noticed this in my practice, and through the school and all the students. When people start healing, it's almost like we return more to our childhood selves, like those qualities and characteristics, the like, the more sensitivity, the more like openness that a lot of those like, early qualities I think we all have, it's almost like we return back to them as well, which is so interesting.
Yeah, it's like, the older I get, and the more I learn, you know, what, and I don't know if it's just that I actually start to pay attention more. And I'm like, Oh, okay. Um, so I want to ask you, I feel like a lot of people self sabotage, sabotage, and they don't even realize that you're doing it. And so are there like three tricks or something that people can do to a recognize that they are self sabotaging themselves, which when you do that to yourself, it could potentially run off to your children, your business, your team members, co workers, clients. So making yourself aware is the first thing and then like, How the hell do you stop? Like, I mean, first off, you should just go see your professional and watch your school, which we're going to talk about. But is there something that people can do to like, recognize that they're not treating themselves the way they should be?
Yes, definitely. So one of the really interesting things about self sabotage in and of itself is that there's no actual such thing as self sabotage if you include the subconscious in the process, because what's actually happening is every time We think we're self sabotaging. Really, we just have our subconscious mind using a strategy to try to get a different need met than what our conscious mind is focused on. So So just like when I was mentioning how I struggled with like the the addiction parts, and it's this sort of war between my conscious and subconscious, that's actually what self sabotage is just a subconscious strategy to get different needs met. So it's like your conscious mind, for example, might say, I'm going to set a new year's resolution, and you're and I'm going to go to the gym every day. But if your subconscious mind has like really high needs, for example, for like, comfort or security, or basically things that are not related to help, if you're programming at a subconscious level isn't already for your goals, then your conscious mind can set any goal at any point in time. But your subconscious is just going to win the battle and be like, no, we're doing this instead. And so that's actually why you see, so many people fail their new year's resolutions or struggle with like, starting that business or, you know, going after that promotion, or doing that extra, you know, workout or eating healthier, like, all of these things are actually just because our subconscious programming is working against what our conscious minds goals are, and we're not aware of it. And so if people are in that space, one of the first things you want to do is you want to ask yourself, when I sabotage my goal or my intention, what do I do instead? And what needs does that meet. And so let's say for example, you see somebody like I did a
session with this woman once. And she's such a good classic example, I always use her in the example of explaining these things. So she had a new year's resolution, and she was like, I'm going to eat healthier, and I'm going to lose weight. And then we looked at her personality needs. So we all have a subconscious set of personality needs that really profoundly drive us and her personality needs where like social time, emotional connection time with family, comfort and safety or security. And so you can imagine like she's gonna consciously have this goal, but her subconscious is going to be like going to the gym like outside of our comfort zone and like doing heavy lifting and or weights or you know, exerting ourselves like that's going to take time away from family, emotional connection, social time, comfort and security. So I am disinterested, and the subconscious is always going to pull her in a different direction. So what we did is like we learned what her personality needs are, and I can tell you in a moment about how to find those things out. But then all you have to do from that point, is start linking those things together. And so you go okay, if I want to go to the gym, or eat healthier? How can I engage How can I go to the gym with social you know, with friends, or do a group workout class, or workout from my home with friends or family, or go on walks with my family. So basically what you're trying to do wearing comfy workout clothes, you're trying to link together comfort, security, family, social time, emotional connection time, with what your goal is, so that your conscious and subconscious mind suddenly have like a form of cognitive resonance, instead of them you know, having friction and working against one another. So So if it's in steps, it's like, set your goal or intention, understand your personality needs, and then try to link your personality needs to your goal because your personality needs at the subconscious level literally drive all of our behavior decisions, feelings, they have such a profound role on us in general. And how you can find your personality needs is observing the behavior you already have in your life in terms of what you spend your time on without people asking you, what you spend your money on. Definitely reflects personality needs, like I imagined for you, it's like probably like, you know, investing in personal growth and trying to expand yourself or learn and your freedom like things like that and you probably have a huge personality needed around personal growth. So it's your time your money, what you always talk to people about or what lights you up in conversation, how you fill your space tends to reflect like we always keep our space full of things that matter to us. So maybe you always have like your work stuff around you or your personal growth books around you or you know things like that. And then where you're really organized and reliable definitely reflects your personality needs to so you can take like a bit of an inventory and then link your needs with your goals. And all of a sudden you have you know your entire subconscious mind which runs roughly 95 to 97% of your life and your conscious mind only three to 5% so now you have this like huge aware House of things working for your goals instead of you know pulling you away from them and it sort of feels like this like hidden thing happening where you You're always self sabotaging or procrastinating you don't know why once we understand our personality needs and then link into our conscious mind and our conscious minds goals. Literally like all the whole world opens up people like fast track towards success and in empowerment. And it's like a really powerful thing to watch.
That is so true. But it's like, there's so much noise in the world right now. And everybody is so busy, and especially in the year of 2020. And, and the people that either it's like, you're gonna pivot, and you're going to thrive, or you're going to stop what you're doing and go back into corporate America, or you're, you're going to have to do something different. And so, in time of, I wouldn't so much say crisis. But some people think that a pandemic is a crisis in time of crisis. And let's say someone is really on a good path, and then something out of our control happens. And people perceive it as being very negative, or they divert into depression. What are your thoughts on how to get yourself out of that funk? Because, like, in the hospitality industry, I have a lot of friends and clients that in 2020, are just like, screw hospitality, like this pandemic has made me so negative and depressed, and like they don't know how to get over it. So is that part of his subconscious mind as well?
Absolutely. And it's such an important and powerful question. So. So what happens is, the only reason we experience pain, emotionally, or suffering emotionally, so not physically, if you take it totally out of the mix, pain is because we have unmet needs. So that's technically a good thing. That's how we evolved for so long as a species, it's like you feel emotional pain, if you, you know, need connection or closeness, and we're wired for that. And that's how we've survived is through connection and community. And so, you know, or you might feel pain if you're hungry or thirsty, right, and that pain is there to direct you towards getting a need met. So that same principle applies specific to our emotion. So we have unmet needs, we experienced emotional pain, that will only ever be like a five out of 10 or so then we have suffering, which is the story we tell when our needs are not being met. So for example, let's say there's the pain of a relationship ending, and maybe the pain comes from the unmet need of connection, the unmet need of intimacy, or physical closeness, or affection, you know, and so we're gonna have these needs that we were getting that that are suddenly not being met. And that's going to cause pain, but then the suffering comes when we go, I'm going to be alone forever, nobody's ever gonna love me, I'm unlovable, you know, when we tell these painful stories, we now have suffering, it's the meaning we give to the pain equals our suffering. And those are the only two reasons and that needs are painful belief and thought patterns, aka stories. Those are the only reasons we can actually experience any negative emotional feelings as a whole. And so when we look at that through the lens of like, what's happening worldwide, right now with the pandemic, is absolutely one of the first things that happens, that people may or may not be consciously aware of is isolation takes us away from a really profound human need for emotional or social connection. Yes, so we're naturally going to have an unmet need. And then there's other unmet needs that get taken to right like, we all have needs for freedom or exploration or novelty or growth. And like, you know, when you're holed up at home, because you don't have the ability to access a lot of the things that you used to, then you know, maybe you can't go for a walk to the same place or go to that restaurant you love or just these new experiences are also being taken away. And then a huge other basic human need that we have is a need for certainty. And, you know, we don't know when you know, things are going back to normal or when people are going back to work. And so, you know, these basic human needs we have as individuals are being stripped, which is going to cause pain. And as soon as we're in pain, that the mind becomes active. And our internal dialogue becomes more active. And it's just a byproduct of us trying to like communicate to ourselves and get our own attention that, hey, we have to adapt or do something. But it can sort of become counterproductive because we can start doing a lot of storytelling. So we can tell the story like oh my goodness, I'm going to be on the street, I'm never going to have a job again. You know, when when we're thinking of certainty, not being met, we can tell the story like I'm losing all my friends, I'm never gonna see people, you know, maybe somebody you're dating or in a relationship with is in a different part of the country or a different a different country altogether. I mean, be like, Oh
my goodness, I'm gonna lose this person, you know, everything. And so, we start getting into the pain, which then triggers our suffering. And these two things together, create a recipe, you know, the perfect storm for, you know, a mental health crisis to occur and lots of challenges to occur. So what Help people when they're going through this is the number one thing you want to start by doing is sourcing exactly what needs are unmet in your life because of the situation. And then sometimes we have to come up with updated or more creative strategies to get those needs met. So yeah, you might not be able to have this face to face conversation with friends and family to meet social and emotional connection. But maybe you can have zoom calls once a week with people, maybe you can join an online community, maybe you set the intention to have more vulnerable conversations every time you talk to a friend or family member, because vulnerability connects us. So like, maybe we have to go outside of the box. And of course, it's not going to perfectly fill the needs. You know, it's better to see people face to face, of course. But if we come up with ways to compensate for that, we're going to diminish the effects of the situations that we're in. And then if we from the other perspective, notice ourselves storytelling and catastrophizing in our thinking and thinking things will never go back to normal, or, you know, telling these painful stories, we have to be aware of that. And we have to change our thinking and upgrade the way we're choosing to perceive a situation. Because by not doing so we really disempower ourselves, and we're actually creating our own suffering on autopilot, which is the last thing we need to do when there's a crisis happening. We need to be careful and caring for ourselves. So it's really you know, the slogan I get people is like, change your thinking, meet your needs. And it's just a sort of encompassing system to help you correct the patterns that can produce the pain or suffering or both, because of the situation that we're currently in.
I love that. I love that. So you have to be aware, and you have to, it's almost like when when I hear people say, meet your client, where they're at or meet your team member where they're at, it's like,
you got to meet yourself
where you're at. Right? So, yeah, so talk to us a little bit about your school and and how can people, like, does it start a few times a year? Can people just sign up whenever? Is there one type of school? Or is there different types of schools where people can learn about these things?
Yeah, so So basically, it's one school, or prime development school.com. And what we do is I've recorded about 35 courses, so on everything from like overcoming loneliness during a pandemic, to understanding your subconscious personality needs to reprogramming your subconscious mind and understanding your core wounds and reprogramming your attachment style and overcoming codependency and enmeshment and Shadow Work course, there's like, a whole bunch of different stuff in there. And they're all about three hours long. And they come with like a 15 or so page workbook, and like in depth exercises, so so they're there, when you join, so basically, you get to go and you get to take any course that really resonates with you, you can purchase single courses as well, but we have an all access membership that has that. And then that also comes with I do four live webinars a week with our, with our students. So it's like a live call. And, and then we record them so we have like over 200 webinars or so in there now. And, and for ongoing live webinars that that keep going. And the community in there is amazing. So people have an opportunity to chat in our members forum and on discord channel and like ask each other questions and connect and, and yeah, so it's a really beautiful community. And that's sort of how the school works. And,
and yeah, that's pretty much all about. That's amazing. And
so I know, you've been Growing Your YouTube Channel at a rapid rate. And so where can people find you on YouTube?
Yeah, so it's personal development School of dash tyese Gibson, and I put a daily video on there, just with like, a different insight into a different part of your life. And, and, and it's all free content. And it's a great space to like get started on your journey as well. That's amazing.
So also on Instagram, is that what's your favorite platform?
Definitely YouTube because I love teaching and sharing. So it's like, that's what I get to teach and share. So we have Instagram too, which is at personal development underscore school. And another thing that is really popular for people listening, when they're if they resonate with the attachment style stuff is we have on our website at personal development school.com we have a free attachment style quiz. And so you can take the quiz, know what your attachment style is, and then it gives you a report and like a video explanation of your attachment style and, and things you can do to shift and create change if you're looking to
Okay, so everybody needs to go take the mic. I'm just fun. Yes, I'm so fascinated by all of this.
So I have one more question that we're starting to ask people because we're all about GSD and around here and productivity and getting shit done. So like what is your one productivity tip that you would give people that you can Live Without this thing to be productive, what
would that be? I love it. Okay, so it would be that really complicated meet your needs thing, but,
uh huh.
It honestly would be like, if you are in a position where you find yourself procrastinating anything, you have to ask yourself, like, what needs? Do I try to meet through procrastinating? And how can I bring those needs into the task that I'm doing? So that like, identify, so you might find like, Oh, I'm procrastinating, cleaning my room or my kitchen or whatever it might be. And then you have to ask yourself, okay, well, what do I go do instead, like, oh, maybe I'm always instead calling a friend are going to lunch with a friend. And it's like, Okay, so my brain is prioritizing its social needs, over this task that my conscious mind has set out, like, Oh, I'm going to clean up. And so how do I link those things? Maybe I bring my friend over. And I'm like, Hey, will you help me clean and I'll buy dinner? Or like, you know, so it's all about linking. And if you can do that productivity soars. It's crazy. And it feels really, really effortless. Because suddenly, like, this big well of your subconscious mind and your conscious mind are working together.
Link your needs people. That is the key. I love it. This was absolutely amazing. And we will put all of these links and ways to get to your school and all that in the show notes. And if people want to reach out to you directly, it What's your favorite way? Is it email? Is it? Is it Instagram? DMS, I always like to ask because everybody communicates differently.
I would say, email tyese at personal development school COMM And we have my team there and helping answer emails, and then I go through them as well. And we sort of organize everything that way. That's awesome.
Thank you so much for your time today. This
was super insightful. And this was so much fun. And you've asked the best questions, and I've truly, truly enjoyed being here. So
Well, everybody that is listening, again, I have a huge heart for personal development, because it's helped me grow so much in multiple industries and multiple spaces. And if you don't develop yourself, how are your team members? And how are those around you going to develop because you set the tone as a leader. So go check out the personal development school. And it's okay to like, want and need help and seek answers. Like, especially as you get older, like I want to the older I get, it's like the I want to become better. I want to I want to help others. And, you know, like my mom said, For about 10 years, I didn't ever sleep and she's like, if you don't sleep, you're not helping yourself. And if you don't help yourself, like how are you gonna help other people and it's so true. You know, when you're younger you like roll your as your mom, which is what I used to do. I'm like, Okay, Mom, I'll try to sleep eight hours, you know, and so it's just, it's really, really important to take care of yourself. You've got to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anybody else. And so Tice this was an awesome episode. Thank you so so much. And everyone that is listening again, go check out the personal development school. Thank you so much for listening. And be sure to tune in next week to another episode of business unveil. You'll have a great day. Bye. That's it for this week's episode of business unveiled. Now that you have all the tools that you need to conquer the world and GSD get shit done. Would you share this with your friends and fellow business leaders? One thing that would really really help us and help new listeners is for you to rate the show. And leave a comment and Apple podcast, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you tune in and listen to business unveiled. You can check out the show notes at Angela proffitt.com slash podcast and link up with us on social media so you can share your biggest insights. And I want to know your aha moments. Until next week, remember, the profitable shifts and structures you're creating and your business help you be more present in your life. So get out there and GSD!
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